tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55710527694816959302024-02-19T20:59:34.945-05:00Lost in the Land of IFFumbling our way through IF with the help of ART...Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.comBlogger75125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-71028820338340004872011-07-08T11:26:00.002-04:002011-07-08T11:50:49.277-04:00Sweet Summer DaysTime is <em>flying </em>by. I now have a <em>four </em>month old... a smiling, laughing, cooing, precious four month old... and life is getting sweeter and sweeter with every passing day.<br /><br />I won't lie -- the early days were tough. And there were times that I wondered whether my relationship with my DH would weather such a strained time --- raging hormones, a lack of real sleep, and a DH with a propensity to clomp about the creaky wood floors in our house and (unintentionally) slam cabinet doors and generally make a huge racket tried my patience and wore on my already-frazzled nerves greatly... But thankfully, the sleep situation has greatly improved and at least the nerves aren't quite as frazzled anymore. ...No improvement on the clomping and general racket by the DH, though he does try, poor thing... he's even acquired a slight case of tendonitis in his Achilles heel from trying to tip-toe around the house!<br /><br />And speaking of sleep -- my girl is doing a stellar job in that department, averaging 9 to 10.5 hours per night, straight through.... She's been blessing me with this routine since her 8th week, God love her. :) <br /><br />Claire wakes up smiling, happy, and squealing in delight these days, and she is such a barrel of fun to be around... she's learned to play patty-cake, giddyup horsey (bouncing on my knee), and peekaboo in the past few weeks, and now laughs in delight every time we play them. She's still not quite a huge fan of tummy time, but she's learned to tolerate it well for 10 or so minutes, as long as I'm down on the floor with her, making a game for her with her rattles.<br /><br />A new challenge for us lately has been prepping our home to list for sale... we decided June 16th that we would try to sell it now in order to move into a better school district. --A bit premature, you might think, seeing as how Claire won't be going to school anytime soon --- but DH doesn't think the housing market here in ATL has bottomed out yet, and with interest rates as low as they are, it would seem wise to go ahead and try to sell NOW as opposed to 2 or 3 years down the road. <br /><br />The past 3 weeks have been spent in a flurry of house projects - painting rooms, clearing out the basement, resurfacing kitchen cabinets, cleaning up and reorganizing closets and cupboards and desks... All while trying to guard my girl's routine as best as I could. Quite a challenge it was, and quite stressful... But thankfully, we've survived it all and the house is ready, praise God. Now comes the next stage: maintaining a "show-ready" house and dealing with house showings-- all the while protecting Claire's schedule.<br /><br />A typical day finds her waking up around 9 (give or take a half-hour either way), and she typically nurses at 9, 12, 3, 6, and 9... though there are usually a few four-hour stretches mixed in there. While she's great at sleeping through the night, she's not as great at napping --- I ususally only get 3 or 4 45-minute nap sessions out of her per day. And while I'm not complaining too much here -- any break is great! -- 45 minutes isn't very long to really get deep into any projects or cleaning around the house. Thankfully I can get showered and cleaned up well within that time frame, but that's about all I can do. So I will welcome the day when she transitions to fewer but longer naps -- 2 or 3 hour stretches. ...whenever that day should come, I'll be ready!<br /><br />Overall, I've been just trying to enjoy every single moment with my sweet girl. She lights up my days and brings such joy to every moment. I am just so very thankful and grateful to God for every breathe she takes, for her little life. Every time she snuggles into my arms I think my heart will burst from happiness. I am in heaven, and so very thankful for the privilege of getting to spend my days with my sweet girl.<br /><br />...And she wakes. More later~Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-15855675558197440222011-04-12T16:27:00.005-04:002011-04-12T16:55:24.966-04:00Things I Have LearnedI never knew how greatly I'd be schooled by such a small thing, but this sweet little bundle o'mine sure is teaching me a thing or two.<br /><br />Things I have learned thus far, from my little snuggle-bunny:<br />- I CAN actually survive on less (far less!) than 8-9 hrs of sleep.<br />- Apparently my boobs CAN triple in size. Who knew???<br />- While not ideal, going to the bathroom while holding a baby IS possible.<br />- Blow-outs usually occur when you a) least expect it, and b) are least prepared for it.<br />- It <em>is </em>possible to both be crying in frustration over the fact, while simultaneously revelling over the knowledge, that your baby only wants to sleep <em>in </em>your arms. This typically occurs in the wee hours of the morning. <br />- Going for days at a time without either a shower or a change of clothes (but multiple changes of nursing pads!) can quickly feel normal (though still not understood or accepted by the hubby).<br />- I have learned how to operate so many baby things (video monitor system, stroller, itzbeen, swing, bottle warmer, humidifier, etc), but managing to bathe and dry a slippery wet baby still remains a challenge.<br />- Whoever invented the breast pump MUST have been a sadist... or a masochist. --Whichever one of those means liking self-inflicted torture. Those things are seriously better served as torture devices. Pumping definitely isn't for sissies!<br /><br />Biggest lesson thus far: I never knew I could love like this. <br /><br />It's amazing.<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBbVVaETZKrO76ghT2MqgYZlkjZpbQ35Qj5NOub0CPucVe6wL6H7F6hpFKE9glwglwL7uDvf24EetYevKa2dDiRlwZptd8MykR9HL28f6zKX08D5kbLm0noLCCVqG4eDVCAKkz2qVElLad/s1600/IMG_1329bw.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjBbVVaETZKrO76ghT2MqgYZlkjZpbQ35Qj5NOub0CPucVe6wL6H7F6hpFKE9glwglwL7uDvf24EetYevKa2dDiRlwZptd8MykR9HL28f6zKX08D5kbLm0noLCCVqG4eDVCAKkz2qVElLad/s400/IMG_1329bw.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594802665896645474" /></a><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiekZogmeUDH9QA20PEXPAlseAjrBYjrIw71GDyfl85EAYWokH66SWmb8h23Rf-A-0Irjx7DMJ2URTG6o36kYcUJPMFkmwVyEKvCpxh_t0yjd2bdj3mckTRCNNk1_T_ZWaWCaJ4yQ3OSflo/s1600/IMG_1351bw.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiekZogmeUDH9QA20PEXPAlseAjrBYjrIw71GDyfl85EAYWokH66SWmb8h23Rf-A-0Irjx7DMJ2URTG6o36kYcUJPMFkmwVyEKvCpxh_t0yjd2bdj3mckTRCNNk1_T_ZWaWCaJ4yQ3OSflo/s400/IMG_1351bw.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594803463526301426" /></a>Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-66823915583214082022011-03-23T16:37:00.003-04:002011-03-23T16:41:25.603-04:00Happy Birthday to MeI know I'm ridiculously overdue with an update -- and I promise, it's coming! <br /><br />But in the meantime -- I am enjoying this moment -- my 32nd birthday, and the first as a mom. Our sweet girl decided to make her arrival almost 2 weeks early -- she's 17 days old today!<br /><br />Claire Elyse was born in the wee hours of the morning on Sunday, March 6th, at 1:01 am. She weighed 7 lbs, 2.6 ounces, and was 19.5 inches long.... God be praised, she is perfectly healthy and beautiful in every way.<br /><br />I am just so very grateful for this gift, for her precious life, and to get to spend my days with my baby girl. My cup runneth over.<br /><br />Hands down, best. birthday. EVER!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-33158669172327307582011-03-05T20:01:00.015-05:002011-04-10T18:24:02.045-04:00Baby J's BirthdayMan - the days have been flying by. I'm way late on posting this with you all, but that's because a sweet baby girl has been monopolizing my time and attention -- and I've been loving every second of it. But I digress -- on to Baby J's birth story!<br /><br />Saturday, March 5th, I woke up thinking this weekend would be busy -- though just from all the things we had going on.<br /><br />DH had his work shower Friday evening -- which lasted 'til 12:30 am (umm, yeah - not your typical 'baby shower' to say the least!), so I was already feeling tired and groggy from the lack of sleep. Saturday morning came early, as I needed to get my brunch dish ready for our march book club meeting. <br /><br />It was definitely one of those days where I would have been sorely tempted to suck down an entire pot of coffee, had one been placed in front of me. ..Sadly, none was... (sigh)<br /><br />That morning I did wonder, through my fogginess (as I'd been doing for weeks now), if today would be the day to meet our daughter.<br /><br />At first, I thought it was going to end up being a day just like the previous 14 or so... with no changes in circumstance.<br /><br />So I made it through book club without falling asleep on the others, and soon ended up back home, curled up on the couch, to try and catnap my way through the afternoon. DH had gone fishing with his father earlier, so it was just me at home with the pups, and good 'ole HGTV to lull me to sleep.<br /><br />Sleep, however, seemed to elude me.<br /><br />And for good reason, I guess... at about 3:45, I felt (rather than heard) a pop, and fluid came rushing out. I practically jumped up (quite a fete, at this stage) off the couch and off the rug onto our hardwood floor, where I experienced yet another big gush of fluid. Not wanting my favorite pair of maternity jeans to get soaked, I stripped those off and started moving to the batrhoom, only for more fluid to leak out... by the time I made it to the toilet, it was running down my legs -- quite a shock to me!<br /><br />...Definitely no mistaking the fact that my water had just broken!<br /><br />DH still wasn't home -- I'd assumed he would have been there long before that point - so I immediately called him to ask if he was on his way home. Apparently it had been raining that morning, so his plan for fishing with his dad had been replaced with attending my nephew's Robotics competition with his dad and his brother --- 45 minutes away. ...and he had NOT driven himself there.<br /><br />(Umm, whoops! ...Not the best decision!)<br /><br />When I told him that the reason I wanted him to be on his way home already, he immediately went into excited/panic mode, but at least that made him move quickly... he made it home in record time, by my estimate.<br /><br />In the meantime, I called the OB to advise them of my status, and they encouraged me to take my time getting ready and packing up, but to be sure and get to the hospital 'relatively soon' -- at least by the time the contractions were in the 5-5-1 pattern (more than five contractions spaced five minutes apart, lasting a full minute).<br /><br />I then called my mom, who had planned to drive down with my sister for the birth. The conversation was pretty hilarious, in retrospect... when I told her my water had broken, she accused me of kidding with her. In my most sarcastic voice, I told her I was...but then immediately clarified that no, I wasn't kidding, and that i would NEVER kid about that ('specially at 38 wks and 4 cm dialated already). But somehow she missed that part, and spent the next 10 minutes telling me all the reasons why it wouldn't be convenient for this weekend (it was bad weather to drive in, she was just getting over a cold, the choir was singing some special song that sunday, etc). Based on all that, I was getting confused, thinking she was changing her mind about coming -- but still tried to persuade her with the idea that driving down on a saturday meant that at least she'd be avoiding rush hour traffic in atlanta! After a few minutes, she ended the conversation with "call me when something really happens" -- at which point I exclaimed, "Mom, something DID happen - my water broke! We're headed to the hospital soon!" ...thankfully she believed me at that point, and then quickly got off the phone to go pack up and hit the road.<br /><br />...truly a hilarious -- and very typical -- mom-convo for me. <br /><br />DH then arrived home, and was a complete, total mess... truly the most spazzed-out, ADD that I've ever seen him. He truly didn't know what to do with himself, poor guy. His older sister and her family also stopped by at that point, and wanted to help out. For DH, that just fed his ADD a bit more though -- he would walk into a room to do something, completely forget what he'd walk in there for, and just talk to the niece and nephews instead. Having him track the time of contractions was hilarious -- and quite a fete, given his spaciness! But I knew it was all nerves.<br /><br />I had decided to get myself ready and take a shower -- but one challenge was that I kept leaking amniotic fluid. --as in, leaked through four pads worth of fluid. --That came as a big surprise to me, since I thought that when your water broke, it broke and that was it. ...Not quite the case ya'll! But my SIL assured me that I should be 'done' leaking fluid... and I naively listened to her.<br /><br />So we finally finished getting ready, fully packed, and headed out to the hospital about 6:45 -- a full three hours after my water broke. From 5 pm on, I had noticed that the contractions had increased in strength, and seemed to be coming at a steady 4.5 to 5.5 minutes.<br /><br />We arrived at Northside Hospital at 7, and spent the first 15 or so minutes completing all the last-minute admission paperwork. At that point, I had made it through the drive there and the paperwork without any additional gushes... but as soon as the nurse called our name to show us back to our L&D room, woosh! --- another big gush of fluid surprised me and left me completely soaked. The admissions attendant just laughed, said it happens all the time, and had the nurse wheel me back to the room in a wheelchair, wrapped up in a towel. Not a big deal -- but wow, that took me by surprise!<br /><br />Florence, our L&D nurse, checked me out, and told us that I was at 5 cm dialated, 90% effaced, and at a -1 (apparently the baby moves in the birth canal from a -2 position through to zero, positive 1 and finally to positive 2 when she's ready to crown). So at that point (about 8:15 pm), I was given the option of either walking around for 45 minutes to see if I progressed more, or going ahead with an epidural & pitocin (and thus being bed-bound). I chose to walk, so they gave me leave to walk 'til about 9 pm.<br /><br />Now at that point, I had advised the nurse of two things:<br />1 - I wanted to avoid both pitocin and an epesiotomy at all costs.<br />2 - I wanted to prolong an epidural as long as I could... I wasn't opposed to it, but I wanted to see if I could go without it.<br /><br />Sadly, my own OB, Dr. N, was not on call that day -- so I had the choice of going with either Dr. E (the on-call OB) or the midwife, Amanda. I had never met either, so I was a little ambivalent. Florence, however, sang high praise for Amanda, and recommended using her, if I wasn't against midwives. I am not -- so I took her advice and asked for Amanda to work with me.<br /><br />So we walked around the hospital, interspersed with visits with all my inlaws that were milling about the waiting area. We made it back to our L&D room for our 'check-in' time at 9, and were told that we'd missed a visit from Dr. E whom we'd decided NOT to use -- and it's a good thing we did! Turns out, he had gone ahead and ordered pitocin for me -- without even having examined me or spoken to me first about it. ...That definitely didn't sit well with me, so it just reconfirmed our decision to go with the midwife.<br /><br />The midwife stopped by soon after, and she was great -- very frank, very funny, all personality! (but in a good way) She reassured me that she'd be there 'til Monday, so we could take all the time we needed. She was also very open and receptive to my desire to avoid pitocin/epidural -- although she did ask me why I was resistant to epidurals... I didn't have a good answer to that, other than the fact that I felt it would be better for the baby to avoid the drugs -- but she countered that with the question, 'Would you have your wisdom teeth pulled without drugs? Or what about your appendix removed? ...So why wouldn't you use them now, if it offered some relief?' ...To which I could say nothing but 'Good point'. <br /><br />They checked me again, and this time I was at 6 cm, 100% dialated, and at the zero position... so baby J was working her way down the birth canal! Again, we were given the option of walking or being confined to the bed... again, I chose to walk. By this point, it was close to 10 pm before they gave us leave to go again.<br /><br />We headed back out to the waiting area to update the family, and just as we were walking past the elevators, the doors opened, and my mom and sister stood waiting to step out. The timing was so perfect, all I could think to say was 'Welcome to the hospital!' while they exclaimed in surprise at finding me still up and about.<br /><br />Mom and sis then joined us on our walk around the hospital... and at that point, the contractions were QUITE strong... by the end of the walk, they were strong enough to take my breath away, and it became impossible to stand still, or carry on a conversation during one.<br /><br />We made our way back to the room by 10:30ish, and I was starting to feel really nauseated and sweaty... in retrospect, I was probably transitioning, but didn't realize it at the time. <br /><br />The midwife wasn't around, but nurse Florence was there, and shocked us both by telling us that they were going to hold off checking me 'til the midwife was available -- and she had been called in to assist in a c-section, and also had a few other laboring women to check on as well. So it would possibly be several hours before we saw her, or got checked again.<br /><br />Given our lack of sleep the night before, and the strength of the contractions at the time, DH started voicing his concern that I would be too worn out to push, if we had to wait 'til the wee hours of the morning... and I frankly was starting to share that concern. We just didn't have any way to know how long or short the wait would be.... so we chose to go ahead and order the epidural (which sometimes can take a half-hour or so for the anesthesiologist to come up).<br /><br />Thankfully the administration of the epidural was fairly easy, and within 10 minutes of the shot, I was comfortable again. I could still feel the pressure of the contractions when they came, but no pain. They did end up giving me a little pitocin after the epidural was given, and seemingly within a 15-20 minute time-frame, my contractions were coming every 2 to 2.5 minutes. <br /><br />By that time, it was nearing midnight, and DH went out to tell all the family that it could be several hours, and that they should go home or to the hotel if they wanted to get a few hours of sleep... essentially, that it could be awhile before anything happened.<br /><br />Seemingly moments after he walked out the door, the midwife walked in, wanting to just 'check in' with me on her way to assist in a c-section. She asked if I was feeling any pain from my contractions since having the epidural. I told her there was no pain, but that I could still feel a great deal of pressure.<br /><br />At the word 'pressure,' her eyebrows rose up, and she asked me where I was feeling it --in the front or back? <br /><br />From my perspective, front and back were all one at this point, so I told her both --- which brought her immediately over to the bed. She said she thought she'd just check me real quick, just to see 'where things stood' before she went to the c-section. She proceeded to re-examine me. About that time, DH walked back into the room, just in time to hear her say "No wonder you're feeling pressure -- you're ready to push!"<br /><br />DH practically jumped, he was so startled by her statement, and immediately replied by saying "but I just told all our family that it would still be hours before anything happened!" When the midwife told him that he should correct them - -that in fact, we could have a baby in the next hour -- he quickly ran back out to advise them of the update. And so he went.<br /><br />By 12:30, we were all set and ready to start pushing. With every contraction that came on, I was to curl up, holding the back of my thighs for support, and tuck in my chin, focusing on holding the push for 3 10-second intervals. <br /><br />It was fascinating... DH was on my left, holding my leg and coaching me through each contraction, and would tell me what he could see of her, and how much progress was made with each push. From the outset, he could see her head full of hair - so he was totally hooked into watching what he'd earlier sworn he wouldn't be able to stomach!<br /><br />Every exclamation from his lips, the look of awe on his face, was all the motivation I needed with my pushing. I was just so very anxious and excited to meet my baby girl.<br /><br />After five rounds of pushing, at 1:01 am on Sunday, March 6th, I felt a release of weight and pressure as she slid from my body, and Claire Elyse made her entrance into the world, to the sound of her daddy's exclamations of "Oh my God! She's here!," and her mama's laughter at the look of pure joyfulness on her husband's face... My baby girl came into the world to the sound of laughter and joy -- an clear answer to my prayers that God allow us a calm, joyful and peaceful birth. <br /><br />God also be praised, she was perfectly healthy, and made her presence known immediately, showing off a fine set of lungs with her sweet baby cries. We spent the first hour with her, before all the family fell upon us and she was passed around like a football.<br /><br />These first five weeks with my sweet Claire have passed so very quickly -- a veritable hazy blur of feedings and changings and nappings... but oh, it is so very sweet. I look at her, upon her tiny, precious, beautiful little face, and feel so very humbled and grateful that God has blessed us with such a gift... that I get to love and care for this child for the rest of my days. Truly, words fail to express the joy and awe I still feel when I look at her - or when I look at DH holding her. We still can't believe she's ours, that she's here - and will be, for the rest of our lives (please God). <br /><br />A few pictures of the day:<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3IgPFgWEVS1xMg4zhp2L0A29UJiPiECSrUIHI8OgZeWThmbrgzkJUpRYfjAYPiIUEt2v6NSgUMLty-eeE821rjnDmyAYJ7l5FDaOnPhP9rtw1g4LjJIjUWtWH_R2AX2DJtN4_8DcL9bY-/s1600/3.5.2011+-+on+our+way+to+the+hospital.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj3IgPFgWEVS1xMg4zhp2L0A29UJiPiECSrUIHI8OgZeWThmbrgzkJUpRYfjAYPiIUEt2v6NSgUMLty-eeE821rjnDmyAYJ7l5FDaOnPhP9rtw1g4LjJIjUWtWH_R2AX2DJtN4_8DcL9bY-/s400/3.5.2011+-+on+our+way+to+the+hospital.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594078559715308770" /></a><br />DH and I (with our sweet puppy girl Lila) before leaving for the hospital -- even Lila looks excited to meet the new addition to the family!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY2czp0ReL7C0NrAZMXAT9kued8h8NvX_2L_VDueWDm981KCwBOtW-MdVLdG8DQFU5dFpnHPdE_wOUKGBfTtJ8NFM4RJGAiQ297swLORN7ZHIv29uJc-OrlgbElitjfA4riyGipEKwZXMR/s1600/DSC_1764.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiY2czp0ReL7C0NrAZMXAT9kued8h8NvX_2L_VDueWDm981KCwBOtW-MdVLdG8DQFU5dFpnHPdE_wOUKGBfTtJ8NFM4RJGAiQ297swLORN7ZHIv29uJc-OrlgbElitjfA4riyGipEKwZXMR/s400/DSC_1764.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594079757467492258" /></a><br />DH and I with Claire Elyse, right after her birth - our first family photo!<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcVevGP29bEoYmT5yUMbTGjJLyidnegohvr0Z8gFxFr4CbLQfOyxhlixh1tx8gGokztJNbi-su9jufiEi79MZlISfXsjVqw6jY5fcGJPdfdD5VNpQ5ZQb6reOsWqmXvZJ8hhHR_iWHXOwK/s1600/DSC_1940.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 266px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhcVevGP29bEoYmT5yUMbTGjJLyidnegohvr0Z8gFxFr4CbLQfOyxhlixh1tx8gGokztJNbi-su9jufiEi79MZlISfXsjVqw6jY5fcGJPdfdD5VNpQ5ZQb6reOsWqmXvZJ8hhHR_iWHXOwK/s400/DSC_1940.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594081904955038018" /></a><br />Our sweet baby girl - our gift from God<br /><br />And one last one... taken by a friend of ours when Claire was 5 days old... more to come later!<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpBaru5wbletMO-qLXRZGSu0qdTO_jFJnJ4Tyc9BRdn5UPigCiJrTwR8YDZEMZM0XinUzmG1wxHNaVmUAHfTRidXLfh3x1gGI9LX14dO9P4tN4L15-Ff_Q84IKFuhKu-i0opvarMnBk8Do/s1600/IMG_1583.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpBaru5wbletMO-qLXRZGSu0qdTO_jFJnJ4Tyc9BRdn5UPigCiJrTwR8YDZEMZM0XinUzmG1wxHNaVmUAHfTRidXLfh3x1gGI9LX14dO9P4tN4L15-Ff_Q84IKFuhKu-i0opvarMnBk8Do/s400/IMG_1583.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5594084086473091250" /></a>Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-76834074147776618892011-03-02T16:53:00.002-05:002011-03-02T17:07:44.933-05:00Inch by Inch...Ya'll remember that saying? "Inch by inch, life is a cynch. Yard by yard, it is very very hard." <br /><br />Seems that was beaten into our heads throughout gradeschool. Anyone else hear that one all through their childhood, too?<br /><br />But it seems to apply to most things in life... you have to take things as they come. It is always easier to take on a little at a time, instead of biting off more than you can handle all at once.<br /><br />I can't make Baby J's birthday come tomorrow... but I can enjoy the time between now and then, and celebrate each step that brings us closer to that blessed day.<br /><br />Such as -- being another centimeter dialated! That's right -- per Dr. N yesterday, I'm now at 4 cm. She was quite pleased, telling me that I'm making this whole 'having a baby' seem easy-greasy (oh, please don't let that jinx me!). <br /><br />My response to her was that at least <em>some </em>part of this whole baby-makin' experience is coming across as 'easy' for my body.<br /><br />But who am I kidding?? I am grateful for any tiny little thing that my body can do naturally and normally with all this... I'm grateful for every stinkin' moment of this pregnancy, for every swift kick in the ribs I get from Little Miss Soccer Star in there, for every ache and pain and discomfort... I count it pure JOY that I have been able to experience it at all.<br /><br />That doesn't make me any less ready to meet her though! While I will certainly miss the feeling of Baby J moving around in my belly, I'm sure I wouldn't trade her being in my arms for anything in the world.<br /><br />Come on, birth day! Get here already!!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-31619358645033901852011-02-28T15:47:00.004-05:002011-02-28T16:32:12.720-05:00A bundle of nerves - the Waiting GameTomorrow morning I have my 37 week appointment with Dr. N, and I am DYING to find out if I've progressed any. ...and trying not to get my hopes up if she tells me I haven't.<br /><br />We're ready. -- Or rather, we <em>think </em>we're ready. DH is nervous as can be -- I think the reality and increasing proximity of my due date is really freaking him out...<br /><br />Case in point - packing the hospital bags. <br /><br />We had talked about needed to have bags packed for the hospital even prior to our 'babymoon' a few weeks ago... and you would think that last week's news from Dr. N would have jump-started that process. <br /><br />Nope!<br /><br />I brought it up that very evening, when we got home from work - need to get those bags packed!<br /><br />I brought it up that Thursday - he assured me we'd tackle it Friday night.<br /><br />Friday night came and went - we got home later than anticipated, and DH suggested we wait 'til Saturday when we'd have 'more time' and were better-rested.<br /><br />Saturday came and went -- and while I did some pre-packing laundry to get ready for packing -- DH did everything he could to avoid it. ...He even started working on our tax return as his procrastination!<br /><br />When we went to bed that evening, I cornered him on the issue -- and he admitted that the procrastination was all stemming from his nervousness about it all (L&D, bringing the baby home, my impending retirement from work--and the pressure that puts on HIM to provide for us), and that packing the hospital bag made it seem that much more imminent and real...so he'd been avoiding it.<br /><br />But we know that God has, in all things, provided abundantly more than we've needed for each and every circumstance... and we know that He will continue to do so after I 'retire' from the working world. So I tried as best I could to comfort my hubby with reminders of how He's provided for us in the past... As to the nervousness about the baby's impending arrival -- I told him he's not the only one nervous about it (and also QUITE anxious for it to get here already!!). And while I know it will be tough and a major blur for a few (or more) weeks, I know we're ready for this. <br /><br />We're practically there... the moment we've been praying for and dreaming of for almost 5 years now. <br /><br />So we woke up Sunday morning, went to sunday school, and then skipped big church to come back home and pack our bags. They're now residing in the hallway upstairs, all set and ready to go.<br /><br />Every time I see them, I get a little thrill down my spine. ...and I can't help but wonder when we'll need them.<br /><br />I wake up most mornings with the same thought... will today be the day that Baby J makes her grand entrance? Will I get to meet my little one today?<br /><br />Only God knows!<br /><br />Hoping tomorrow's appointment brings good news --- and if not, that my walk with a good friend after work will get things moving!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-18071860238947164882011-02-22T16:49:00.003-05:002011-02-22T17:04:36.777-05:00So this is really happening, huh?Well folks, I guess I'm <em>really </em>going to have a baby soon... and maybe sooner than I thought!<br /><br />I had my 36 week appointment today. This marked the first of my 'weekly' visits, of which they always do an internal exam of my girly parts. (woohoo) <br /><br />Dr. N was asking the routine questions - have I been having any contractions? Do I feel ok? Have I noticed any swelling? etc? ...to which my responses were yes, yes, and yes... though only braxton hicks (to my knowledge), and only minimal swelling (mostly in my feet/legs by the end of the day).<br /><br />So you understand why it would shock my <strong>socks </strong>off when Dr. N finishes her internal exam by telling me she needs to ask me the contraction question again -- <em>since I'm 3 cm dialated and 70% effaced already</em>!!<br /><br />Wwhhhat the whaaaaat???<br /><br />Shocked. Seriously <strong>shocked</strong>, people.<br /><br />And a tad deliriously happy/excited/nervous/anxious.... I am so READY to meet Little Miss! ...But oh my -- we gotta get on it with some other stuff-- don't have the car seat in yet, don't have any NB size diapers (am praying my baby won't quite fit into the size 1 8lb+ size...!), haven't packed a hospital bag yet ----haven't even taken the freakin' tour of the hospital to know where to GO yet...<br /><br />But all that stuff'll fall into place, right??<br /><br />Dr. N <em>did </em>warn me that my dialation/effacement doesn't necessarily mean that I'll go into 'active' labor before my due date (3 weeks 4 days away). She said they can't really predict when I'll go -- it could be another 2 weeks, or 2 days. It all boils down to when my body says it's time. But whenever labor really kicks in, they won't do anything to stop Baby J from making her grand entrance, at this point. <br /><br />...In sharing this news with a) my DH, and b) my boss,I think I might have caused a mini-panic for both of them... heee. If we can just finish up the interview process for my boss, I think he'd feel a lot better. As for DH -- I think he's going to continue in mini-panic mode, whatever happens at this point. <br /><br />I'm just so ready to meet my baby girl!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-41670874862782746902011-02-18T13:30:00.002-05:002011-02-18T15:51:56.086-05:00Work DazeThe decision has been made, and the boss and HR informed -- I will be staying home after my 12 weeks of FMLA are over. <br /><br />Even though this was what my heart has been leaning toward all along, it was still quite difficult to actually say the words out loud. <br /><br />...Didn't help the situation any that my boss has been making random comments vascillating between "when your leave is over/when you're back" and "you're going to love being home/we're really going to miss you" -- leaving me wondering what they're thinking? Did I even need to make it a formal statement, or did they already assume I'd stay home??<br /><br />But in the end, I confirmed with my boss that I would, indeed, be choosing to stay home with Baby J.<br /><br />...It's a scary statement to make these days, given the present economy and all... who in their right minds walks away from a good job, working with great people, and good benefits??<br /><br />So I am just trusting in God's leading, that this IS the right decision for me and for our family...and praying that I don't end up going stir-crazy -- like my sister did when she was at home (her hubby ended up making her go back into the working world, just because they couldn't afford to keep paying for all her new house 'projects.' Poor guy would come home from work to find a wall taken down, or their bed thrown away!)<br /><br />The next few weeks are likely to be tough at work, too. They've started the process of looking for my replacement, and we have 5 internal candidates to interview early next week... one of them being my assistant. <br /><br />Don't get me wrong -- my assistant is wonderful, and has made life in my dept these past 2 years SO much smoother and easier. But she's not the right person for my job. Her personality and the way she handles stress and conflict would just not mesh well with it at all... nor do I think she'd be happy doing it in the long run. --Happy with the increased pay, maybe, but not the job itself.<br /><br />At my work, they make you take these online 'profiles' that determine whether you would be a match to a certain job position or not... and typically won't interview any candidates with less than a 70% match to the job. <br /><br />However, in my assistant's case, they're making an exception. Her profile was not a match for the job - not by a significant amount - but they've decided to let her interview anyways, since she 'stood in the gap' for me and my basic job responsibilities last year during our Project From Hell. They say she's earned the right to an interview.<br /><br />While I don't disagree that she's earned that right - I <em>do </em>wonder if that's giving her false hope, and setting me (and my boss) up for a harder time later, when she doesn't get the role. She's already made comments to others on how she considers herself already trained to do my job, and that it would 'annoy her to train someone else to be her boss.' ...NOT a good sign... Although she did cover the basics, and did a fairly good job of it -- she didn't take care of everything that falls under the scope of my total job, nor did everything she handled during my absence get done 100% correctly... not an easy thing to address with someone after-the-fact, and without coming across as a horrid micro-manager with a laundry-list of wrong-doings to pin on their employee.<br /><br />Since her profile is so very much mismatched to the job, I know they wouldn't <em>really </em>consider her as a candidate beyond the first interview... which just seems so cruel. Wouldn't it be better to be told that a <em>computer </em>claims you're not a match for a role (less personal), than to get to interview for the job, and <em>then </em>be rejected?? I just feel like she'll take it so much harder after the interview. <br /><br />Selfishly, I also worry about the stress or tension that will play out once she's been rejected... it's not going to be fun. She's much more on the dramatic/emotional side anyways, so I'm already anticipating the depth of anger/resentment/guilt-inflicting looks or comments/bitterness that may crop up from all this. ---Not to mention, how she'll adjust to whoever will be her new manager! <br /><br />For myself, I'm praying for this process to go quickly, and be as painless and drama-free as possible... and for my department, I'm praying that God will prepare the heart of both my assistant, and my replacement, for one another -- to accept them with an open heart, no matter how this plays out.Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-4332937319735780452011-02-17T15:31:00.003-05:002011-02-17T16:25:35.060-05:00Thirty Days and Counting...So in the next 4 weeks (give or take one), we're going to be leaving a hospital with a teeny tiny baby girl... and life as we've known it will never be the same.<br /><br />This is all starting to feel very, very real.<br /><br />As in a, wow-oh-my-gosh-am-I-ready-no-help-we're-not-ready-yet sort of way.<br /><br />Since my last post, we've had our 4 baby showers, and baby things have now taken over our house. ...Mostly in the form of pink clothing, but thankfully not all of it! <br /><br />I've done four loads of baby-specific laundry.... and pulling out one teeny-tiny outfit after another doesn't seem to lessen the shock of how very small this little one may be.<br /><br />The baby's room is set up - furniture in place, bedding washed and on the bed, clothes and blankets and bibs and socks and sleepers either folded and in drawers or hung up, all just waiting to be used.<br /><br />Only a few things left to purchase from our registries -- and thanks to an overabundance of newborn clothes and duplicate books/other items, we have a good bit of store credit to use towards fulfilling the 'basics' we still need. (DH is pretty darn excited about that!)<br /><br />The baby showers were absolutely beautiful, each one. It was fun to see the different groups of people at each, and of course everyone was overwhelmingly generous and so thoughtful in how each one was planned, decorated, presented. But they were also hard, in a way. Even though it's an amazing feeling to finally be at a baby shower thrown for your <em>own </em>baby -- it doesn't lessen the strange feeling over being at a baby shower--even one you've looked forward to!--after having avoided them or suffered through so many for so long. That's a weird transition. I also don't relish being the center of attention -- so just having that many people eyeing me all at once was a tad disconcerting!<br /><br />I almost made it through all four with no crying... almost. <br /><br />But in the end, I am blessed with beautiful memories of each - and DH, Baby J, and I are most definitely blessed by the love and generosity of so many friends and family.<br /><br />Last weekend we took our 'babymoon' trip down to Seagrove Beach, FL - so nice to get away for a few days! We both took off Thursday and Friday to make it a good long weekend trip and man, was it. We did a whole lotta nothing... which was absolutely fine in my book. Every day we'd walk on the beach for a few hours after breakfast, then go explore the area - either Seaside, which we could walk into, or another local beach town within a short drive of Seagrove. Then we'd have lunch wherever we were, head back to the beach cottage for a short rest (or more Sportscenter, as in the case of DH), and then hit the beach again around 4 or 5 to watch the sun go down and walk more. Every night we tried a different local restaurant - which is always fun in my book. Then we'd stop and get a dollar movie from Redbox and call it an evening. (Note to self - never subject yourself to "The Other Guys" again - it was awful! and move "Red" up in your queue)<br /><br />We lucked into sunny weather while there, but sadly, it wasn't terribly warm... it was mostly in the low-to-mid 50's during the day, and 30's at night. But at least a) that gave me an additional excuse to avoid any sort of bathing suit experience at 35 weeks, and b) we never really got sweaty during all our beach walking! So there were definitely some good advantages to the cool weather. ..That, and I could cuddle up more to the hubby. Always a plus!<br /><br />As of Saturday, I'll be 36 weeks and officially in the 'no travel' zone... craziness. This pregnancy has just been flying by for me. ...Which means I need to get a move on getting everything else set up or put away and organized! (yikes) Before I know it, she'll be here!<br /><br />Body-wise, I am definitely feeling very pregnant these days. Big, uncomfortable, easily flushed and hot, and starting to notice slight swelling in my hands, legs & feet. Even a slight spreading of my feet, which I'd long been praying to avoid (please don't be permanent! I love my fun heels and all my boots!!) The pregnancy waddle is definitely unavoidable now, for which DH gets endless entertainment -- that, and the sound of my groaning as I try to roll from one side to the other during the night... not an easy task, at this point. Braxton-Hicks are becoming a companion to any form of activity - even just walking up the stairs, or from my desk to the restroom at work. <br /><br />But despite it all, I am grateful for every single second of discomfort. I am just so grateful to be here - to be carrying Little Miss - and to be this close to meeting our little girl. <br /><br />The next 30 days can't pass quickly enough!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-30501966011320959562011-01-13T13:05:00.008-05:002011-01-13T13:59:18.702-05:00Snow DazeSnow Day #4 here in the suburbs of Atlanta, GA... restlessness is setting in, and our store of food is quickly dwindling. The fact that I can easily walk into the kitchen to grab a snack every hour and a half, isn't helping!<br /><br />Here's a great pictorial of a southerner's mentality regarding snow, as shared by one of my co-workers:<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifsMmoCOjl_0Py7dh8jWbsvoY4XT0U_ohA3wZiGn9gqzFV6RIbSkPi2yfi1stPIZpZ5Nvr7POhXi-1yORG1xHxpt1-pNbYp6wF3gx6PA7CFEv4LGZw2BceA2cSmsW1PcB8N2a468odFaC6/s1600/Georgian%2527s+enjoyment+of+snow+over+time.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 258px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEifsMmoCOjl_0Py7dh8jWbsvoY4XT0U_ohA3wZiGn9gqzFV6RIbSkPi2yfi1stPIZpZ5Nvr7POhXi-1yORG1xHxpt1-pNbYp6wF3gx6PA7CFEv4LGZw2BceA2cSmsW1PcB8N2a468odFaC6/s400/Georgian%2527s+enjoyment+of+snow+over+time.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5561736917708616754" /></a><br /><br />It really wasn't so bad in the first 2 days... I was still able to get outside and walk the dogs with DH, and felt relaxed and happy getting to work from the comfort of my couch, still in my pj's all day. Rolling out of bed at 9 and not worrying about getting ready, the commute, etc., is certainly nothing to complain about! <br /><br />The ice that set in Tuesday night, however, has really made me start to feel more 'stuck.' I tried walking the dogs with DH yesterday, but after I'd gingerly made it 4 driveways down the road, DH suggested that I turn back, worried that there might be too much ice and not enough slush or powder left for me to retain good footing on the walk. And let's face it -- our dogs don't exactly pay attention to my pleas to be well-behaved and not pull their mommy when they get excited. They're only 35 lbs each -- but that's more than enough to throw me off balance if they decided to start pulling suddenly. <br /><br />Observations on Day 4 of Snow in GA:<br /> - Daytime TV really is abysmal.<br /> - There's only so much soup you can eat during cold weather... DH keep saying he's going through chewing withdrawals.<br /> - On the other hand --Soup is so stinkin' easy to make, and so <em>good</em>... other things seems so much more complicated to make. Or maybe it's that I don't have enough 'one-and-done' meal options in my repetoire?<br /> - I keep telling myself today's the day I'm going to try out that "perfect preg.nancy" video I got for Christmas... and then I go back, sit on the couch, and watch more trash tv.<br /> - People in the south really don't know how to drive when there's any sort of precipitation falling from the sky or stuck on the ground. All traffic laws and standards are immediately cast aside for a 'whatever works for me' mentality... so drivers beware!<br /> - I would love to paint my toenails, but am not sure I can bend over to reach them, for that length of time anymore... (how pathetic is that??)<br /> - Baking sounds really appealing to me right now... but I can't find any recipes that don't call for eggs, which we're out of already.<br /> - My dogs sleep all stinkin' day! No wonder they're usually maniacs by the time we get home from work at night... lazy bums.<br /> - On a <em>positive </em>note, day #4 of procrastination on <em>housecleaning </em>is going QUITE well... thanks to crap daytime tv.<br /> <br /><br />Honestly, it hasn't been entirely bad. Being home more than usual has allowed DH and I to make great strides in cleaning out closets, organizing, storing things in the basement, and switching around some of the furniture in anticipation of setting up nursery upstairs. He even got REALLY motivated yesterday, and ended up removing the old rod/shelf in the closet, and started trimming out the room in the new paint color. ...So progress is being made! --By him, anyways.<br /><br />Now if I could just kick myself into high gear.<br /><br />This weekend is our first baby shower (gah!) in Nashville. Praying for clear roads, and no icy remnants through the mountains near Chattanooga! Also praying that I get through it without any breakdowns. I get teary even <em>thinking </em>of being at a shower that's being thrown in honor of a baby of our <em>own</em>... being there is going to be surreal. <br /><br />But I am quite excited. Just need to figure out good hostess gifts - and quickly. My plan of using lunchbreaks these past few days to run over to the mall and pick out something for the hosts have been completely foiled...now I just have tomorrow to find something perfect for each of the 3 hostesses. <br /><br />Any ideas from the peanut gallery? Here's to successful shopping!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-33701875380043167242011-01-11T10:52:00.004-05:002011-01-11T12:04:31.109-05:00Looking AheadMan, I'm a slacker! Not a single post since before Thanksgiving -- ay de mi! My apologies to the blogging community for such outright negligence. Hope you'll forgive me.<br /><br />So what have the last few months looked like in my world? Here's a quick rundown:<br /><br />Thanksgiving: Made the trek from Atlanta to Memphis with our two dogs for Turkey Day with my entire extended family. It was wonderful -- up until the point that DH and I came down with my niece & nephew's stomach bug they'd caught at school. Thankfully, we'd traveled home on Saturday and woke up with it on Sunday -- so at least we were in the comfort of our own home while sick. Two and a half days of sickness definitely ensured that I didn't gain any 'excess holiday weight' for my next OB appointment though!<br /><br />December:<br /><br />My friend A got married on the 4th. It was beautiful... an intimate service with about 25 guests, at a quaint little stone church in town. The only unexpected (and thus bad) surprise was that my dress - which I'd bought a mere 4 weeks before the event--fit quite differently on the wedding day than when I'd bought it. ...while I had anticipated a bigger belly to fill out the front, I had NOT anticipated that my girls would also increased in size...and thus ended up on greater display than previously imagined. Let's just say that I wore a wrap for the remainder of the night, post-wedding service. <br /><br />The next weekend, the 11th, was the weekend my friend G was supposed to get married. I continue to call and email, but with no response. My heart still hurts so much for her, and for the pain and disappointment she must be going through right now. Still praying that she'll decide to let me in a little, and respond to one of my attempts at communication... <br /><br />My hairdresser decided to retire and move to Peachtree City (about an hour south of Atlanta -- which would be about 1.5 hours+ south of where we live)... I am devestated. She was a curly hair genius, and so very sweet. She, too, had struggled with IF to get pregnant, had suffered a miscarriage in her 2nd trimester, and then thankfully went on to carry her sweet and healthy son to full term... so she and i had lots to share with each other when we'd meet for haircuts. I am going to miss her friendship and presence greatly-- AND her magical touch with my wayward curls.<br /><br />The rest of Christmas was a blur of work... I tried to honor the dr's wishes and not work beyond 10 hours a day, but in the thick of our busiest time of year, it was hard to do. Thanks to having an extra temp around the office (thank you Lord!), the longest I would go was 12 hours... then I'd head home, sit like a zombie on the couch for an hour, and hit the sack. <br /><br />Worst of all was the fact that I caught some sort of cold on the 21st, and it just kept dragging on and morphing into something worse. I had it through Christmas (a lovely 4 day reprieve from work, spent at my in-law's -- and the first white christmas Atl has seen in 120-odd years!), and it just kept hanging on through New Year's. That weekend I was so miserable that DH woke up to me crying in bed.. I was so over being sick, and my cough kept me up and not able to breathe that well, that I hadn't slept well in days... topping it off with being pregnant, not being able to get comfortable, and not being able to take anything to knock out the cold, and I was at the end of my rope. Needless to say, after that night, I showed up bright and early at the dr's office on Monday morning, and they were able to give me an antibiotic for my cold-morphed-sinus infection/ear infection. Sweet relief!<br /><br />NYE itself wasn't too bad. I had to work 'til 8 -- which is rather early, in comparison to years' past. Then I drove home to a clean house and got ready to have a few friends over to celebrate the New Year. It was nice, small, and not too rowdy -- which is exactly what I needed.<br /><br />It's hard to believe that 2011 is here... and that I will be meeting my Little Miss in just 10 short weeks. Looking back at 2010, it's amazing to me to look back on all that we went through, and where God has us now. <br /><br />At the outset of 2010, we were feeling hopeful to begin our first round of IVF...only to have a rough first start with meds in February and have to stop... then our abismal failure of round #1 in April... and to have to convince ourselves to move foward and maintain hope (and not get our hopes up) for our (blessedly successful) round #2 in June. <br /><br />Then, miracle of all miracles, we found ourselves with a positive pregnancy in July... and our hopes and fears suddenly took on a different tone and meaning. We found ourselves in unchartered territory. I'd spent 44 months reading up on IF and how to GET pregnant. I knew nothing about being pregnant, or what to expect, what to look for in terms of warning signs if something went wrong, what I should/shouldn't do/eat, whatever. I was so anxious about Baby J, and whether or not she would make it through the first trimester, then through 24 weeks (point of viability). <br /><br />Here in 2011, I find myself still praying for her continued health and growth... that she develop and grow as she should for the next 10 weeks. That the birth go well and there not be any medical issues for little miss. That she be born healthy and strong... and a good sleeper (please God!). <br /><br />One of my favorite verses in the bible is Colossians 1:17, which says "He is before all things, and in Him, all things hold together." <br /><br />To me, it is a true reflection of life. He goes before me, and is always there, paving our way. We may not understand (or appreciate!) His timing with how life goes, or why it takes so long for some prayers to be answered, but I have no doubt that in the end, "in Him, all things hold together." He held me together for those 44 months of desperate cries and pleadings for a baby. He held me together on those days when I couldn't help but cry in the bathroom at work, or while walking the dogs, or when I was hiding my tears from DH in the shower. He held me together when I was overwhelmed with anger and bitterness and resentment at our situation, with even having to deal with IF at all -- and feeling so entitled to kids, compared to others that I saw around me that seemingly got knocked up just by thinking of se.x. <br /><br />He held me together when our first round of IVF failed, and I wasn't sure I could take the pain of IF and treatments and the unfairness of our situation any longer. He held me together when I was petrified of starting round #2, for fear of similar failures awaiting us. <br /><br />He held me together when I dared to allow hope to take root in my heart, despite the cost I knew I would pay, if it should all go awry. He held me together when we made it through our ER successfully, then our ET... and with our positive beta test. <br /><br />He's held me through every step in these last 30 weeks of pregnancy... and I have no doubt that whatever 2011 has to bring (and beyond), that He will continue to hold us together through it all.<br /><br />Blessings come in all shapes and sizes, and while none of us would ever wish for blessings to come in the form of struggles or misfortunes, I know that God has blessed us greatly through our struggles with IF, and our failures and trials over the course of 2010 (and prior). And as painful as they were, I would not trade them for anything. They have brought us to where we are today, and as I sit here and consider all that we have to anticipate in 2011, we are richly blessed, indeed.Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-9689397788580480762010-11-22T12:36:00.002-05:002010-11-22T12:46:42.205-05:00Monday Monday...be good to me...<br /><br />I'm dragging today. A long weekend of Christmas shopping and caring for both pups by myself has left me feeling pretty tired. --That, and having to wake up extra-early for my 23-week OB appointment. <br /><br />Thankfully, everything with Little Miss looks good, and I am keeping my weight gain at a normal 1 lb a week rate. <br /><br />...Wonder if I'll succeed in keeping that rate for my <em>next </em>appointment, post-Turkey-Day?<br /><br />I also started in on my other major project, "Make Room For Baby," and cleaned out two drawers full of pictures to put away in photo boxes. ...this in rather small and vain attempt to clean up & organize the two rooms needed to convert one into the guest room and the other into the nursery. I must admit - while I did get the photo project done, I've realized that didn't make even a dent in the rest of what needs to be done to get those two rooms in order. Ay yi yi...<br /><br />But I won't think about that now... I'll think about that in <em>January</em>. (Love that Scarlett!)<br /><br />Eleven days 'til my friend A's wedding on the 4th. Think that's enough time to tone up my arms?? (Sigh)<br /><br />Okay... enough ramblings from me. My brain is scattered today from lack of sleep, and my thoughts are following suit.<br /><br /><em>Dear Lord, please let the next two days of work pass by without too much craziness or last minute issues... And please let me sleep at night, so I don't feel like a rambling, babbling idiot during the day. Amen.</em>Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-87094100461983912312010-11-16T14:07:00.004-05:002010-11-16T15:49:53.476-05:00Whistle While You WorkI'm going to have to remind myself to do this in the coming weeks... anything to make it seem more manageable and less stressful!<br /><br />Work these past two weeks has been very busy. And I realize that we're at the point of the year when it should be... I just didn't (and don't) feel very prepared for it to be already. I think maybe the PFH has thrown off my internal calendar - and definitely my 'groove' in working with gifts. I still feel like it should be September or something, with year-end busyness still several months away.<br /><br />I am quite thankful, however, that I'm at this stage in pregnancy to handle it all, when energy is still high, I'm feeling good, and Little Miss's kicks aren't so very strong yet that they inflict pain or loss of breathe. :-) <br /><br />People are starting to talk to me about babyshowers in early 2011, which is just so <em>surreal</em>. To be at a babyshower, thrown for a baby of <em>mine</em>... I was seriously losing all hope that that day would ever come. <br /><br />I am definitely going to lose it when that day finally arrives. Guess I better warn the hosts to have plenty of Klee.nex on hand to stem the waterworks.<br /><br />- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - <br /><br />On another note - the sunday school class at my church was covering the issue of pain and suffering over the past two weeks' classes. This was actually a topic that I'd requested <em>last </em>year that they speak on... how to deal with pain and suffering in our lives, and how not to take offense at God when we go through those times. We missed the first session of it, sadly, but were there for this sunday's session... and while it didn't cover everything I would have wanted to hear about (most likely what I missed from the previous sunday!), it was so very good, I thought I'd share a bit from it. <br /><br />They reviewed the story in John 11 of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, when Lazarus falls sick and dies, and in the end is resurrected by Jesus. There's a passage of time in the story during which Lazarus was sick, declined rapidly, died, and then several days passed before Jesus' arrival to Mary & Martha's house. Knowing that he could have saved Lazarus, you can just imagine the hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment that must have been brewing in Mary and Martha in the days before Jesus' arrival. In fact, you can hear it in the passive (yet very accusatory) tone of her first comment to him, when she says, "Lord, <em>if you had been here</em>, my brother would not have died."<br /><br />Kind of how I felt down in the miry pit of IF for so very long... bitter, hurt, angry, and resentful that I had to deal with IF at all...that God hadn't saved me from that, or that He hadn't yet chosen to bless me with a pregnancy, month after month after month. So completely bogged down by those thoughts and feelings that I was taking the absence of the response (read: pregnancy) that <em>I</em> wanted from Him as equating to <em>abandonment </em>by Him... <br /><br />Which it was not.<br /><br />It's funny though, Jesus' response to Mary's comment. He doesn't address her accusatory statment at all. He completely changed the subject by telling her who He was ("I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die."), and asking her if she believe this.<br /><br />Now, my immediate reaction is that if <em>this </em>is what I heard as my only response when asking such a question of Jesus, I would be royally ticked. I mean, hello, do you not see my pain here? The bitterness? The anger and hurt? Why are you trying to avoid answering me?<br /><br />I'm pretty sure those same thoughts were running through my brain (or shouted) over the course of many dark nights of the soul during our four years of trying...<br /><br />But I think the point made in this story is that Jesus was trying to draw Mary <em>out </em>of her pit of despair -- bring her out to the light of day, beyond the overwhelming darkness and agony of her pain, and remind her of the <em>truth</em>.<br /><br />The story of Lazarus is a story of deliverance. Deliverance of Lazarus from death. Deliverance of us all through Christ. Deliverance for all of us from our problems, if we just remind ourselves of His truths, and trust in Him. <br /><br />--While this doesn't necessarily make the problems go away or resolve them, there's no doubt that we'd find more comfort and peace if we truly allowed ourselves to rest and trust in Him, than to cry and rage at things beyond our control.<br /><br />I realize that it may seem quite easy to some of you for me to say this, now that I'm 'on the other side' and expecting. And while there may be some truth to that, I can tell you honestly that while this would be hard to hear and believe in during our TTC trial, I would have wanted it to be true--and in that wanting, would have found some relief and comfort.<br /><br />One part that resonated so deeply in me with this story, that I had never picked up on before... I'm sure you've all heard that the shortest verse in the bible is "Jesus wept." This verse is in the Lazarus story - John 11:35. What struck me about it is that he <em>wasn't </em>weeping because his friend Lazarus had died. He was weeping because of the <em>pain and heartache </em>he witnessed on Mary's face.<br /><br />That the Son of God, who knows the beginning, middle, and end of ALL of our stories, and who <em>knew </em>that Lazarus would be resurrected and restored to his sisters -- that the compassionate nature of our Father was reflected by his weeping with Mary, in witnessing her heartbreak, is incredible to me.<br /><br />It makes me think back to all the times I sat and cried in the shower because I didn't want to upset DH anymore, or cried while walking the dogs alone, or in my car, or in the work bathrooms... the myriad of places where I have broken down and cried out my pain. That my Father in heaven would not only <em>hear </em>my cries and see my tears, but <em>would cry with me</em>.... I cannot explain how much that means to me, and how much that alone strengthens my faith.<br /><br />I am so grateful for it. Without it, I don't know how I could have endured those 45 months.<br /><br />Praying that you all have light and truth in your lives to hold on to when the going gets rough...Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-28913367487391828912010-11-03T20:52:00.004-04:002010-11-05T15:16:02.206-04:00It's a Nice Day for a White WeddingIt's a, nice day to, start agaaaaaaaain....<br /><br />Who else can't help but hear that Billy Idol line when they think of weddings??<br /><br />I found my b-maid dress for A's wedding over the weekend, and thankfully, it's a maternity one. Ol.ian Maternity, long black dress, 'yoke' neckline with black beading... very classic, and while it was more than I'd <em>wanted </em>to pay -- at least all it needs is a good hem-job a week or two beforehand, hallelujah!<br /><br />In sad wedding-related news... I finally heard back from my other friend G, whose wedding was set for Dec. 11th. She had talked her fiance into going to a few counseling sessions last week, to see if they could work through their (or his) issues... but in the end, it seems her fiance's mind was made up. So their wedding has officially been cancelled. <br /><br />My heart hurts for her. She still won't talk about what happened -- or really respond to any emails/texts/voicemails... So I'm just praying for her, that she would be surrounded by friends and family who will love and encourage her through this, and that she'll find peace in the situation, somehow. <br /><br />She's a strong girl...I just hate to know she's hurting. Every time I think of her, I think of this lovely song by Step.hen Kel.log and the Si.xers~<br /><br />But it's alright<br />It's gonna hurt sometimes<br />Everyone bleeds<br />Even when the sun shines<br /><br />You gotta see yourself like I do<br />See yourself from my point of view<br />No one else can get through<br />Until you see yourself<br />Like somebody that loves you.<br /><br />I tried to link the you-tube video, for anyone that wanted to listen...but alas, my blogger-skills fail me once again. If you find it on you-tube, fast-forward to 0:28, and enjoy. We'll see if the old-fashioned URL listing will work for me. <br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRYxw1y6mro<br /><br />And I hope she'll get past this hurt and be able to see herself like so many of us see her... as someone who is beautiful, vibrant, loveable, smart, funny, generous, and wholly deserving of good man to sweep her off her feet and love & adore her for the rest of her life.<br /><br />On that note -- have a great weekend ya'll! Hope you all do something fun.Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-46304245385310044722010-11-03T20:22:00.007-04:002010-11-03T21:11:38.312-04:00Gender Reveal!Yikes... two weeks since my last post. Sorry ladies! What a slacker I am.<br /><br />SO! Last Friday -- our big Finding Out party with the padres and all the in-laws. It was so fun! My parents drove in from Nashville and got in around 5:30, just as I was putting the finishing touches on everything. I'd picked up the cake on the way home from work, and the baker had ensured there'd be no peaking by covering the cake in a thick layer of fondant chocolate icing... absolutely impossible to 'taste-test' without it being obvious to the world.. smart baker.<br /><br />The in-laws descended around 7, and everyone was eager to cut the cake. One of my SIL's kept begging us to cut the cake first -- but what fun is that? Then the anticipation factor is out the window, and it's just a regular old dinner party. Thankfully, both DH and I thought it would be more fun to prolong the torture for another hour or so...so we did. <br /><br />We took a vote on how many thought Baby J was a girl vs. boy...and my, how interesting that was! When we first announced our pregnancy, I'd say the majority of both families claimed we would have a boy. Now that I'm showing, however, I guess that has swayed the opinion... there were 7 votes for a girl, 4 for a boy, and 4 abstained (mostly my nieces & nephews, who were much more interested in our wii than baby-matters).<br /><br />Then we set out the cake and got ready to find out the truth for ourselves.<br /><br />Upon first slice of the cake, we could hardly tell what color the batter was, the knife came out so clean! But once we lifted up the slice, there was no longer any doubt... that cake was about as pepto-bismal PINK as you can get! <br /><br />GIRL it is... and Baby J is now officially <em>Little <strong>Miss </strong>Baby J</em>, woohoo!<br /><br />As soon as all the whooping and celebrating died down, DH asked to see the envelope that the u/s tech had given us, just to 'double-check.'<br /><br />Thankfully, she was very specific -- included a note for us that said "Congratulations...it's a girl!" AND a picture of the money-shot, as confirmation.<br /><br />The Money Shot<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMEhT0bckJ-C45CTwOxBvTuYx4TT6CtKakpJRDnyNjPOdxmNHSDrnMGlTjHcehhQnROvm3SidMZ2PFSF_E3yj8sDT2LQ86wm8YVfdmdwbi4FgCEW9SEFucaHhx2gKpL6CilSZYKt5FqkU7/s1600/Ultrasound+2010.10.25+-+Money+Shot!.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 239px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMEhT0bckJ-C45CTwOxBvTuYx4TT6CtKakpJRDnyNjPOdxmNHSDrnMGlTjHcehhQnROvm3SidMZ2PFSF_E3yj8sDT2LQ86wm8YVfdmdwbi4FgCEW9SEFucaHhx2gKpL6CilSZYKt5FqkU7/s320/Ultrasound+2010.10.25+-+Money+Shot!.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535487847047228642" /></a><br /><br />Another couple cute pics of 'Lil Miss...<br /><br />At 19w2d<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixoL6dZRY3KWlPexpdQdNBBLlLDDf3Bsqfuj_0WKbvaS4vgp5PLVJ3V8OwV2oFkqrLYHi-RhgzALrmgOZdz3v7AK6UPC_H3RQA4LyoQDXPHlLxdEunNUdJvfFNMRyt5eXru7ZUHdvDJ_Hr/s1600/Ultrasound+2010.10.25+-+shot+2.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 245px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixoL6dZRY3KWlPexpdQdNBBLlLDDf3Bsqfuj_0WKbvaS4vgp5PLVJ3V8OwV2oFkqrLYHi-RhgzALrmgOZdz3v7AK6UPC_H3RQA4LyoQDXPHlLxdEunNUdJvfFNMRyt5eXru7ZUHdvDJ_Hr/s320/Ultrasound+2010.10.25+-+shot+2.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535488603861629938" /></a><br /><br />Cute little feet<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZLzeNd79mbRU01efC3NbuQI_4O-FtaXc2VD7vDMC4VifWivWQLgn2tVg6AvrnavQ_fU_0yw9g0y7sdx6sENQdm-yT26quxnNOOBkvNRxksP_T9iLUuZEEmM6hhMnFrMlPZI3z1DPtlg-Q/s1600/Ultrasound+2010.10.25+-+Feet+shot.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 244px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiZLzeNd79mbRU01efC3NbuQI_4O-FtaXc2VD7vDMC4VifWivWQLgn2tVg6AvrnavQ_fU_0yw9g0y7sdx6sENQdm-yT26quxnNOOBkvNRxksP_T9iLUuZEEmM6hhMnFrMlPZI3z1DPtlg-Q/s320/Ultrasound+2010.10.25+-+Feet+shot.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535488175274250450" /></a><br /><br />And a wave to the audience! -- already such a social young thing, wouldn't you agree?<br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdfig4l8Dx8ljqj9rSaJC19mwBrHk1pitpNVcroaGu6jN5vCElRPklAlGuvquc_GA-W0d545COZeHqRsniOafNwAmpvE20zwnMjjMqW1lQixUWXKSFTayx4jadXAMnVW3JVPExVUxr5Pta/s1600/Ultrasound+2010.10.25+-+Wave+Shot.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 237px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdfig4l8Dx8ljqj9rSaJC19mwBrHk1pitpNVcroaGu6jN5vCElRPklAlGuvquc_GA-W0d545COZeHqRsniOafNwAmpvE20zwnMjjMqW1lQixUWXKSFTayx4jadXAMnVW3JVPExVUxr5Pta/s320/Ultrasound+2010.10.25+-+Wave+Shot.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5535488396301974370" /></a><br /><br />Fun stuff, right?<br /><br />In other news... I said goodbye for now to my last pair of non-maternity pants today. I could wear them another week, maybe, but let's face it...they're not exactly comfortable around the waist any longer. Better to opt for the comfy, stretchy-waist pants (ahhh!). Demi-waist band, how I love you!<br /><br />These past few days, I feel like my belly has pooched out a little more. Every time I say something like that around the DH, he makes fun of me and reminds me that yes, it should--'cause I'm pregnant. <br /><br />And it's not that I don't KNOW this... but hey, isn't a gal allowed to marvel and wonder at the changes in her body?? I mean, seriously... it's crazy to wake up a swear that your belly is noticeably bigger than it was the day before. ...And it's definitely a noticeable baby-belly now. Which I love.<br /><br />Still waking up so grateful for each day of this pregnancy...with every little kick and roll I feel, I stand amazed at the blessing God has granted me. May that never, ever change.Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-73181217767095011272010-10-22T16:23:00.003-04:002010-10-22T17:20:21.145-04:00From Shower to ShowerAhh, Friday!<br /><br />Thank goodness I've made it to yet another weekend... and I am thinking that I'm pretty well-prepared for A's bridal shower tomorrow - despite my disastrous experience (to be shared later) in the kitchen last night! Let's just hope I can do a good enough job cleaning out the oven, so that it won't smoke for me tomorrow, when everyone's at the house and I'm baking the breakfast casserole... <br /><br />I go from hosting A's shower tomorrow morning, to a 4-hour couples baby shower tomorrow afternoon.<br /><br />...Am still trying to figure out what exactly could be planned at this shindig to warrant a four-hour time slot. DH, on the other hand, is convinced that the hosts are intentionally trying to torture the male guests. <br /><br />No further news on my friend G, or her wedding... just confirmation back from her that she'd actually only told me and three others about it. That's only half the number of bridesmaids she has, too... so I'm DEFINITELY keeping my mouth shut (as is DH, and his friend Adam) about it from here on out.<br /><br />Work has been crazy this week. Currently my dept has 19 potential charitable contributions (or 'gifts') in the works... which is about 3 times the normal number for this time of year. I'm used to 19 or more come November, and definitely by December... but this is atypical for October. I'm hoping that means we're getting some done early, and we won't have near as many smushed into the last 2 weeks of the year... but that's most likely wishful thinking.<br /><br />My belly is definitely poking out now. No hiding it, at 19 weeks (woohoo!). Though I am proud to say that I can still fit into two pairs of my 'big girl' non-maternity pants... if only for another week or so.<br /><br />Enjoy the weekend, ladies!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-32841063140979505072010-10-20T10:34:00.002-04:002010-10-20T10:58:42.402-04:00Oh, BotherThis isn't good... not good at all.<br /><br />I got home yesterday after work, and as we were getting ready to take the pups for a walk, DH starts asking whether I've heard anything more from my friend G, regarding her (potentially cancelled) wedding. I said no.<br /><br />He then mentions that he'd asked a mutual friend of ours (and G's) from our college days, Adam, whether he'd heard anything about it.<br /><br />Cue my freak-out.<br /><br />I immediately laid into him for talking to someone else about it. Based on everything I'd told him (which is not much -- basically everything in my last post reflected the little I know about the situation!), there is NOTHING out there that would suggest that this news is 'public'. I've told him since Sunday evening that I've seen nothing that refers to this on either a) their wedding website, b) face.book, or c) in an email or second text out to the wedding party.<br /><br />As such, my point to him was, if this had happened to us during our wedding planning/engagement, don't you think that I would still be hoping and praying that our fight blows over? That we would reconcile? <br /><br />I'm still hoping that for her at this point.<br /><br />Then I asked him to call Adam back and ask him to keep his mouth shut about it, and not to say anything to anyone... at which point DH told me it was too late for that -- that he'd already asked another guy if he'd heard anything about it, or what was going on. Apparently this other guy was in the groom's fraternity pledge class, so Adam thought he might be 'in the know.' ---Not that any of that really matters when you're 8 years out of college, like they are! To assume someone knows something, just because they were in the same pledge class, seems a little ridiculous to me.<br /><br />And now it's out there. And I am SO not happy with DH about it. <br /><br />I reiterated the fact to DH that he really had no business asking anyone about it... that until the news was disseminated to the public somehow -- whether via their wedding website, or by an email or phone call to any wedding party members or invitees to the wedding -- that he really should have kept his mouth shut about it. It wasn't our news to tell. And I though I'd made that clear by my continual reiteration of the fact that NOTHING ELSE HAS BEEN STATED ANYWHERE ABOUT IT, at ALL.<br /><br />You would have thought he would have at least asked if he could say something to A about it -- we had planned on sharing a hotel with A and his wife that weekend and all.<br /><br />Now I just hate thinking that this could get back to either the groom or to G, that people now know -- I hate to think that DH and I are to blame for that.<br /><br />In DH's defense -- he feels awful about it, and now sees why he shouldn't have said anything.. or why he should have at least checked about it with me first, before he talked to anyone.<br /><br />I've always said I love DH <em>despite </em>his mouth -- let's just say this isn't the first time it's gotten him into trouble. <br /><br />But man...I feel terrible.Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-65358981184277541402010-10-19T12:10:00.003-04:002010-10-19T12:31:27.840-04:00JiltedI'm officially 18 weeks and counting...less than a week to go before our next u/s, when we find out the gender! I'm so excited. I know it will be hard to wait the four days between our scan on Monday and our "finding out" party that Friday night, but it will be fun to learn the sex with all DH's family and my parents there. Can't WAIT.<br /><br />---------------------------------------------------<br /><br />On a sad note....I got a random text from my friend G on Sunday -- she's the one getting married December 11th in Philly, whose ginormous bridemaid's dress I had to get in a size 16 due to my baby bump (and just picked up last week). It was pretty shocking --she was letting all the bridesmaids know that her fiancé has called off the wedding... 7 weeks before the big day.<br /><br />I feel so bad for her - and I HATE that she's so far away. She said she didn't want to talk in her text--and she is famous for drawing herself in and shutting everyone out when things aren't going well (she did the same thing when her mom had a stroke several years ago). And while I understand the need for time, and not wanting to talk about it over and over again -- I HATE feeling so helpless, and not being there to walk through this tough time with her.<br /><br />And I have absolutely no idea what happened to bring this about. G is impossible to get in touch with -- I've called/emailed/texted for years without getting more than a few responses in a 12 month period... so my expectations of actually hearing anything from her are low, sadly. Another b-maid lives in town that went to college with both of us, so I've sent her an email, asking if G had mentioned any stresses or issues when she was there for the bachelorette weekend a few weeks ago...we'll see if she knows of anything.<br /><br />I'm also still hoping this will blow over between them... somewhat. They dated for 9 years long-distance before they even lived in the same city, and then got engaged a year later... and during that 9 years LD, it was definitely a roller-coaster ride. He would be all about marriage, and she wouldn't -- then they'd reverse roles, and SHE'd be gung-ho about getting hitched, and he'd be indifferent or unsure. So part of me wonders if this isn't just a 'relapse' into their old behaviors...or if this is really the heart of how he feels. I definitely don't want them to get hitched if either have any real doubts, Lord knows. <br /><br />DH is, of course, thinking of the money we've already spent towards this... about $450 in airfare, $300 on the b-maid dress, another $100 or so on the bridal shower/bachelorette party...thank goodness we hadn't yet booked our hotel or had the dress altered. Yikes.<br /><br />But worst of all, I received their wedding invitation in the mail yesterday. I'm betting that a large majority of her invites were sent out already, which means she/he or both will have to make phone calls or send follow-up letters out to everyone, letting them know it's off. ...I can only imagine how painful that would be... talk about pouring salt in an open wound!<br /><br />My heart just hurts for her. And at this point, all I know to do is pray for her... just wish I was there to give her a big hug, too.Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-865232357082517292010-10-15T11:31:00.003-04:002010-10-15T12:05:54.916-04:00Home, and ready for the weekendI ended up not going to the conference this week -- per Doctor's orders. I went back on Tuesday morning, and the Doc confirmed that my left ear was still infected, and that flying would "risk rupturing or perforating" my ear drum. -- Not exactly anything I'd like to experience, thank you! <br /><br />They gave me new meds, and sent me out with a doctor's note for the trip.<br /><br />My boss, thank goodness, took the news well, and thankfully, agreed with my decision not to go. I could have driven down, but he wasn't too keen on the idea of me driving a)sick, b) on medicine, and c) all by myself... so the decision was final. I stayed home.<br /><br />And man, am I glad I did! Just the thought of having to do all that laundry and packing up and getting ready wore me out on Tuesday, so it was nice to just go home and relax a bit instead.<br /><br />My hearing in the left ear is getting a bit better, finally. But it still feels pretty stuffed up. I'm definitely ready for the medicine to do its' magic and to feel normal again!<br /><br />On a different note, this next week will be busy-busy, starting with the weekend -- I go into full-out preparation mode for my friend A's bridal shower I'm throwing next Saturday...and I've got a ton of stuff to get done for it! Upload songs and make a shower playlist for my I.pod, make sure I have enough silverware for the # of guests (or figure out an alternative), find a red,creme, or black tablecloth to use for the event, finish hemming the new sheers to put in the front bay window, and sew up the side curtains for it, too. Look back over the food items I'd promised to make for it, and see what I can start to prepare earlier in the week.<br /><br />For our anniversary last month, my gift from DH was to remove the wallpaper in our kitchen and re-paint everything, including the living room it flows into. <br /><br />I'll give you three guesses on what stage of the project we're still in... And yes, it is FAR from being finished!<br /><br />Guess I won't count on that being done prior to the shower... (sigh) Oh well. The guests will just have to overlook that.<br /><br />And paint colors -- man, that is hard for me. I am no good at that sort of thing. We'd been thinking of doing yellow (i know, pretty predictable, but still - it'd be nice!). But last nightas we were walking the pups around the neighborhood, DH asked what color I wanted to paint the cabinets. <br /><br />Now, here's the deal with the cabinets: they are as old as the house (1970 built), all white, but they show their age. They have scratches, nicks, indentions, etc., all over. To my mind, they could use a good sand-down prior to repainting... and with yellow walls, I'd be fine keeping them white.<br /><br />But for some reason, DH is totally against this -- both sanding the cabinets, and keeping them white. <br /><br />To me, this is mind-boggling... due in part to my lack of interior design skills (another color I have to pick out--nooooo!), and due to the fact that it seems so strange to be against sanding down cabinet doors that CLEARLY need it. <br /><br />I think he's thinking that if we painted the cabinets some other color than white, then we wouldn't need to sand them... but the nicks, scratches, and indentions would still show up -- they wouldn't just 'disappear' or fade into the wood-work magically... <br /><br />...I have no idea how to handle this one ladies...<br /><br />And what other colors would look good on cabinets next to pale yellow walls? Any ideas out there, from those with more design skills than I?Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-21174793003837303812010-10-11T10:58:00.002-04:002010-10-11T11:23:41.809-04:00Feeling Like a Kid AgainUnfortunately, not for any of the right reasons.<br /><br />I mean, really, who in the <em>world</em>--except for maybe little kids in grade school--gets an ear infection? --Or, in my case, a <em>double </em>ear infection??<br /><br />But -- let me back up a sec.<br /><br />Last week, DH and I were in DC with my family, enjoying our lovely mini-break away from work, touring around all the monuments and endless museuems, soaking up the delightful fall weather -- and trying desparately to keep up with my sister's 3 crazy older kids (13, 10 and 7). <br /><br />Other than the constant game of "have you seen ____?" / "Is _____ with you guys?" that her kids put us through ('specially the 7 year old -- thanks Cam!), it was great. <br /><br />The past week or two, I've been sneezing and sniffling a bit in the morning --- not uncommon for me at this time of the year, during the transition between seasons, and when things like goldenrod and other allergens are in full bloom. So the fact that I was still doing so in DC didn't cause me any concern.<br /><br />Until Tuesday evening, when I started sneezing my head off.<br /><br />And Wednesday, when I woke up with a sore throat and a left ear that seemed a little...off.<br /><br />We flew home Wednesday mid-morning, and I was fine on the ascent, and fine during the flight. I was NOT fine, however, during the <em>descent</em>. <br /><br />Let me tell you, I've NEVER been that physically uncomfortable in a plane before. I felt like someone was blowing up a balloon inside my ears (both, by this point), and somehow managing to stick my inner ears with sharp needles, all at once. <br /><br />By the time we landed, the pain had thankfully dissipated somewhat, but both ears were completely stuffed up, and my hearing was strangely muffled -- everything sounded very distant. It was weird, ya'll.<br /><br />I'd hoped that the problem would clear up by Thursday morning, in time to go to work, but it had not -- so I headed to the dr that afternoon, only to be told that I had a cold and double-ear infection.<br /><br />They gave me drugs (clar.itin-D and amox.icillin) and told me it would be better by today. And while yes, I do feel better and my cold is much improved -- my left ear is decidedly NOT better. Still ringing and completely stuffed up.<br /><br />My real concern -- and the reason why my post may come across as one long <em>whine </em>(another child-like symptom, I guess!) --- is because I leave on Wednesday morning for a work conference in Orlando... which means I'll be flying again. And I'm fearful of repeating the flight experience from last week...I'd rather not go through that again.<br /><br />Any ideas or home-remedy's that ya'll know of for how to alleviate ear-aches, or clear up a stopped-up ear??Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-20504006997724811822010-09-30T14:07:00.002-04:002010-09-30T14:56:45.148-04:00Four More Weeks to WaitSadly, no u/s at my OB appointment on Tuesday, so it will be the end of October before we know what we're having... (sigh)<br /><br />It seems like such a long way off, but I'm thinking it will be here before I know it! <br /><br />October is going to be B.U.S.Y. -- between this trip to DC (thru the 6th), my friend Laura visiting us from San Fran (9th-13th), a work trip (13th-15th), and then planning/prepping for my friend A's bridal shower that I'm co-hosting (the 23rd), I will be QUITE distracted for the next several weeks...and then, lo and behold, the end of October will be here already.<br /><br />Which is good. But every time I think about the fact that November will probably be here in a blink, I start getting a little nervous... In my world, it means two things: 1) my 2nd job as THE Christmas Present Buyer will re-commence--which means I have to figure out <em>what </em>to get for everyone on both sides of my family; and 2) the busy season at work will be upon me... <br /><br />And kids, we're talking BUSY. Working for a non-profit means that everyone's looking to make their 'gifts' prior to 12/31, so they can get in that final tax deduction for the year... which basically translates to mean that work life can be hell 'til January 1st. Over 60% of our entire year's activity will occur in the final 3 weeks of the year. In my world, that means crazy, crazy stress, 12-16 hr work days, everyone running around like chickens with our heads cut off... pausing briefly for a quiet, calm, Christmas Day, to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. :-) --Then it's madness 'til midnight on New Year's Eve!<br /><br />Which brings me to share with you my big dilemma: do I 'retire' in March, or do I come back to work? <br /><br />My DH doesn't want me to come back full-time, and in my current position, I don't think there's any way to make it work as a part-time gig --- nor would I desire to be a part of the stress/workload during the holidays---when people <em>should </em>be allowed/available to spend time with their family and friends. <br /><br />Would I be happy staying home full-time? I don't really know. Part of me wonders if I would need some sort of professional outlet -- and the other part of me wants to 'redeem' the time it took us to get to this place, and spend every possible moment with our little one as I can.<br /><br />I just don't know. And I hate that I can't give my work a better estimate of my thoughts, so they could plan ahead properly (it would take a long training period to deal with my department - we special in 'complex' issues, and trust me - the name fits!), but I just can't say one way or the other.<br /><br />My prayer for these next 24 weeks are that God would work on my heart & mind so much that by the time I have to make the decision, it will be an easy one for me... a no-brainer. And that, whichever way I decide to go, that He goes before me to prepare a way...Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-39669541539742633762010-09-27T15:45:00.004-04:002010-09-27T16:03:05.937-04:0015 WeeksI give myself one to two more weeks of a very few number of non-maternity clothing, and that's it... I'm seriously about to pop out of most of my pants/skirts/shorts these days. And not only does it not <em>sound </em>pretty, it doesn't <em>look </em>or <em>feel </em>pretty, either.<br /><br />Another week has flown by me, and here we are at week 15 -- on the cusp of another few firsts: feeling baby J kick or move, and (hopefully) finding out the gender at our next dr. visit. <br /><br />I'm anxious to start feeling the baby move... it will be a welcome and (I'm assuming?) reassuring sign to me that all is going well in there... I've said before that this pregnancy feels surreal, and despite my burgeoning belly, it still feels that way, most days... so a nice constant stream of movements and flutters wouldn't be a bad thing! <br /><br />I'm also getting more and more excited to learn what we're having, so we can start getting more serious about our thoughts & ideas regarding the baby's room. Either way, I'd like to keep it somewhat gender-neutral in paint/furniture/crib bedding and such -- and then add gender-specific details in with the add-on decorations, curtains, etc. At least that's my idea in theory! That could all go out the window as soon as we know, or whenever I see something super-cute in a store.<br /><br />Tomorrow morning is my next OB appointment. As far as I know, there's no u/s scheduled -- but that could change if the Dr has a repeat performance of a hard-to-find heartbeat for Baby J, like she did last time. If <em>that's </em>the case, then we have a shot of getting the gender results tomorrow! If not, it'll be a long 4 weeks of waiting 'til our next appointment to find out.<br /><br />I know some people have a gut instinct or feeling as to what they're having... I have none. And we really don't have a preference, either. Growing up, I always thought it would be nice to have an older brother, so while I wouldn't mind that for any future baby girl of mine, I wouldn't be disappointed, either way. We're just excited to be having a baby, no matter <strong>what </strong>we have!<br /><br />This friday DH and I are heading to Washington, D.C., to spend 5 days with my entire family, see the sites, and walk ALL over the town. No doubt we'll get plenty of exercise, with our current list of things to do/see while there. Anyone have any good ideas for anything to do off the beaten path, or for good restaurants we should hit while there? We'll have 8 adults and 4 kids, so it's gotta be kid-friendly, whatever it is!<br /><br />If I learn anything at tomorrow's appointment, I'll keep you all posted...Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-26143799242738277992010-09-20T15:55:00.005-04:002010-09-20T16:39:05.009-04:00WipedThis weekend was fun--but good gracious, it was exhausting!<br /><br />Friday we had a nice dinner with the in-laws, and had fun catching up with them. Despite the fact that my DH mis-informing his mom about my 'complete' maternity wardrobe (whaaat??? umm, <em>NO</em>), my MIL offered to take me shopping to get a few 'extra' things this week. I was quick to inform her that two pairs of maternity pants does NOT a complete wardrobe make--and she was actually excited to hear that. ...She's a shopper, like me. Woman after my own heart. :)<br /><br />Later that evening, after we made it home from the in-law's, we were able to get in touch with our friend Taylor, who's currently living in Bolivia, teaching english at an international school in Santa Cruz. He's a friend from college, who actually lived with us one summer while between apartment leases, so we're quite close. He was the last close friend that did not yet know our news, so sharing that with him via Sky.pe was fun. Going to bed at midnight -- not so fun. But the conversation with our friend so far from home was well worth it.<br /><br />Saturday morning had me rushing around, trying desperately to clean up our house before the girls from my book club arrived. We read a fantastic book, called A Shad.ow in the Wi.nd, set in Barcelona, Spain, back in the mid 1940's. It's part mystery, slight bit of romance, big part 'coming of age' book... and so, so good. <br /><br />With the spanish-background to our book, we had decided to try our hand at a spanish-themed lunch (we typically meet over some sort of meal - brunch, lunch or dinner!). I tried my hand at paella AND got to use my dutch oven for the first time, and both met with resounding success, woohoo! <br /><br />I'm not a huge seafood fan, so I stuck to one that included chicken, smoked sausage, and a good variety of vegetables -- it was wonderful. Definitely a keeper recipe -- good fine off of Tas.ty Kit.chen. Here's the link, if you're interested:<br /><a href="http://thepioneerwoman.com/tasty-kitchen/recipes/main-courses/paella-manantiales-caliente/"></a><br /><br />Hmm... not sure why this link isn't working for me. You can go to the site and look up "Paella Manantiales Calientes" though, if you'd like.<br /><br />The only changes I made: used canned artichokes & tomatoes, traded in the lima beans (blech!) for frozen peas, and added in diced onion and bell pepper (would recommend yellow, orange or green, for the color). Two thumbs up to the chef-author!<br /><br />After book club, a friend of mine stopped by the house to catch up for a bit --she's engaged, and I'm in her wedding on December 4th. She brought her dress over for me to see - soo soo pretty -- and tried on some jewelry I thought might work with it. Then we just talked -- her in-laws were in town all week long, so it was interesting hearing how that has been going for her. It's always an adjustment when you merge families and have to get used to the way other people live/do things... and having them around for a few days is easy-breezy compared to entertaining/hosting for over a week! Thankfully, she likes 'em. <br /><br />Saturday night DH and I went downtown to see comedian Az.iz An.sari perform at the Tabernacle. It was a 10:30 pm show (I know -- what prego in her right mind would EVER sign up for a show starting at that hour??), so I wisely took a nap after dinner. ...Not that it helped much! I could have easily rolled back over and kept sleeping, but my hubby loves comedy, and considering it was my anniversary present to him--I sucked it up and made the effort to stay awake. <br /><br />I must acknowledge a truth here: although I know 31 is not 'old,' per se, it is not entirely all that <em>young </em>anymore, either. And being up 'til 2 in the morning is just <em>painful </em>these days -- whether you're pregnant or not. We slept in Sunday morning, and it was still difficult to get out of bed at 10.<br /><br />But get out of bed we did, so we could meet up with our small group and take a little field trip up to Ellijay, GA (the apple capital of GA), to pick apples, shot an 'apple cannon' (I'll give you 3 guesses who picked this activity!), and basically walk all over the orchard trying the various different apple varieties.<br /><br />The only drawback to our lovely outing was the heat. It's still hot as <strong>blazes </strong>here in the south, with temps at least 10 degrees hotter than normal-- still in the 90's most days -- and it was definitely mid-90's on Sunday. So although we had a grand 'ole time sampling apples and walking all over creation, it was, to quote my husband "<em>hot as balls</em>"... which I'm sure justified the ridiculous consumption of cold apple cider, apple slushee, and shared apple fritter that was had afterwards...right?<br /><br />Even though I'm not feeling so utterly tired and worn out these days, I'm not doing myself any favors by acting like I can hang w/ my husband and stay up as late as he does... I'm going to try to kick that bad habit this week, and hit the sack by 10 every night. <br /><br />Oh, and our company just recently started a wellness walking challenge -- gave out pedometers to every employee and challenged them to walk as many steps as possible over the next teen weeks. First week: my average steps walked was close to 9,300, and my highest for the week was over 14,000. This week I'm going to try and raise my average to at least 10,000 --wish me luck!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-91820254504553498322010-09-16T20:42:00.003-04:002010-09-16T21:20:41.808-04:00Just Another "First"I'm still not pleased about yesterday's out-ing on FB by my sister, but I'm trying to just 'let it go' and forget about it... My sister's always been overly sensitive to any sort of criticism (which is how she would take it if I raised the issue), and seeing as how we're getting along better lately than we have in <em>years </em>-- I'd rather swallow my pride, suck it up, and keep the peace rather than make an issue out of it... wish me luck.<br /><br />--Now on to my maternity-shopping experience over Labor Day weekend!<br /><br />My parents had generously offered to buy some maternity clothes for me, which I was stoked about -- I think the last time they bought me clothes, I was still in college (close to a decade ago)... so not an offer I could refuse! <br /><br />DH and I decided to drive in to Nashville for the weekend, so we could combine the shopping experience with actually getting to <strong>see </strong>all my family -- my baby nephew, and my newly married brother & his wife -- which was so nice. And being from Atlanta, where the variety of stores and options are endless, I had naively thought that Nashville would have a similar variety, even if on a smaller scale. --Nope!<br /><br />My dad, a pediatrician in our area, had asked some of the nurses at his clinic what they'd done for maternity wear, or what stores to check out. I though that was pretty sweet of him -- 'til he told me their recommendations. <br /><br />I don't know if he heard from a good majority or just an opinionated few, but he came away with two thoughts: a) maternity clothes are a total rip-off, and way over-priced, and b)I don't really <em>need </em>maternity clothes -- they recommended I just buy normal clothes one size up, and that should get me through 'til the last month or two. <br /><br />...<em>Ummm, no. Thanks, but no thanks</em>.<br /><br />I, of course, had been doing a little on-line research at Gap(dot)com on my own, and had found Gap Maternity prices to be pretty comparable to Gap itself... so I pooh-poohed the thought that maternity clothes would be super-expensive.<br /><br />That is, until we arrived at the ONLY store in the Nashville area (outside of Ko.hl's and Tar.get) - a P__ in the Pod. There, I was shocked to find tops priced at $65 or above ($50 on sale, whoop-tee-do), pants for a cool hundred, sweaters for $80 or $90... yowzas! Definitely much worse than I expected.<br /><br />The fact that the pricing was going to justify my dad's preconceived notions made me nervous. Actually, the entire outing made me nervous.<br /><br />Taking into consideration the fact that there were many moons when I wondered if I would ever have the need for such a thing -- I will readily admit that even the <em>idea </em>of going maternity shopping freaked me out. Then tack on the fact that I was just a little clueless about it all... should the clothes <em>fit </em>you, like <em>normal </em>clothes do -- 'cause that's what I'm used to buying -- clothes that fit! Should they be a little big -- and if so, <em>how </em>big? What's the 'normal' here people??<br /><br />Granted, while I was actually out with said sis (who really should be an expert on this by now, 4 kids in), my cutie little 4 mo. old nephew Liam, and my mom --- they were actually not much help. At all.<br /><br />My mom, whom I've mentioned before had a stroke at 41 and now has bouts of narcolepsy, was pretty much snoozing through the whole experience. My sister, while very alert and present, didn't give much in terms of direction or feedback... everytime I would ask her how something looked, or whether it fit right --if it looked like it was supposed to look -- she'd just give me a big fat smile and nod... Almost as if she were too busy thinking "it's so cute that she's finally pregnant and trying on maternity clothes! I'm so excited!" instead of actually <em>focusing on the words coming out of my mouth</em>... Not much help there.<br /><br />So I would try on things, find a few that I liked or thought looked right on me, and then freak out over how much it cost. I tried waking my mom from her coma-like state a few times, asking if it wouldn't be easier/cheaper for me to just order a few things online-- but she just said that we were already there, "your father's okay with whatever, go ahead and get stuff now"... so, we did. <br /><br />And spent waaaaay too much on too few items.<br /><br />So. Morals of my story:<br />Yes, maternity clothing CAN be super-expensive.<br />It's helpful to go with people who will actually give you REAL and useful feedback.<br />Shop sales online -- you'll get more bang for your buck.<br /><br />Oh, and never turn down a parent-funded shopportunity!Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5571052769481695930.post-23480086520929907502010-09-15T13:42:00.002-04:002010-09-15T13:48:32.568-04:00Real quick...I have several posts floating around in my head that I need to just sit down and type out (if I can just force myself to do so after a long work day), but real quick, I just had to post this...<br /><br />My sister just 'outed' me on FB... as in, posted "My sister is having her first baby in March! Yipeeee!"<br /><br />Now, while I don't begrudge her the <em>excitement </em>of this land-mark occasion in my family -- she has, after all, been the only producer of grandbabies for my parents for a looong loong time... and they know we've struggled to get here. <br /><br />However, I am a little peeved that she posted something like this before <strong>WE </strong>have even done so.<br /><br />Am I completely off-base in being a little upset by that, or am I just being overly-sensitive about it all?<br /><br />Anyways... it's out there now, not much I can do about it... (grrr)Musewanderhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00951565329745263739noreply@blogger.com5