...be good to me...
I'm dragging today. A long weekend of Christmas shopping and caring for both pups by myself has left me feeling pretty tired. --That, and having to wake up extra-early for my 23-week OB appointment.
Thankfully, everything with Little Miss looks good, and I am keeping my weight gain at a normal 1 lb a week rate.
...Wonder if I'll succeed in keeping that rate for my next appointment, post-Turkey-Day?
I also started in on my other major project, "Make Room For Baby," and cleaned out two drawers full of pictures to put away in photo boxes. ...this in rather small and vain attempt to clean up & organize the two rooms needed to convert one into the guest room and the other into the nursery. I must admit - while I did get the photo project done, I've realized that didn't make even a dent in the rest of what needs to be done to get those two rooms in order. Ay yi yi...
But I won't think about that now... I'll think about that in January. (Love that Scarlett!)
Eleven days 'til my friend A's wedding on the 4th. Think that's enough time to tone up my arms?? (Sigh)
Okay... enough ramblings from me. My brain is scattered today from lack of sleep, and my thoughts are following suit.
Dear Lord, please let the next two days of work pass by without too much craziness or last minute issues... And please let me sleep at night, so I don't feel like a rambling, babbling idiot during the day. Amen.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Whistle While You Work
I'm going to have to remind myself to do this in the coming weeks... anything to make it seem more manageable and less stressful!
Work these past two weeks has been very busy. And I realize that we're at the point of the year when it should be... I just didn't (and don't) feel very prepared for it to be already. I think maybe the PFH has thrown off my internal calendar - and definitely my 'groove' in working with gifts. I still feel like it should be September or something, with year-end busyness still several months away.
I am quite thankful, however, that I'm at this stage in pregnancy to handle it all, when energy is still high, I'm feeling good, and Little Miss's kicks aren't so very strong yet that they inflict pain or loss of breathe. :-)
People are starting to talk to me about babyshowers in early 2011, which is just so surreal. To be at a babyshower, thrown for a baby of mine... I was seriously losing all hope that that day would ever come.
I am definitely going to lose it when that day finally arrives. Guess I better warn the hosts to have plenty of Klee.nex on hand to stem the waterworks.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
On another note - the sunday school class at my church was covering the issue of pain and suffering over the past two weeks' classes. This was actually a topic that I'd requested last year that they speak on... how to deal with pain and suffering in our lives, and how not to take offense at God when we go through those times. We missed the first session of it, sadly, but were there for this sunday's session... and while it didn't cover everything I would have wanted to hear about (most likely what I missed from the previous sunday!), it was so very good, I thought I'd share a bit from it.
They reviewed the story in John 11 of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, when Lazarus falls sick and dies, and in the end is resurrected by Jesus. There's a passage of time in the story during which Lazarus was sick, declined rapidly, died, and then several days passed before Jesus' arrival to Mary & Martha's house. Knowing that he could have saved Lazarus, you can just imagine the hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment that must have been brewing in Mary and Martha in the days before Jesus' arrival. In fact, you can hear it in the passive (yet very accusatory) tone of her first comment to him, when she says, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
Kind of how I felt down in the miry pit of IF for so very long... bitter, hurt, angry, and resentful that I had to deal with IF at all...that God hadn't saved me from that, or that He hadn't yet chosen to bless me with a pregnancy, month after month after month. So completely bogged down by those thoughts and feelings that I was taking the absence of the response (read: pregnancy) that I wanted from Him as equating to abandonment by Him...
Which it was not.
It's funny though, Jesus' response to Mary's comment. He doesn't address her accusatory statment at all. He completely changed the subject by telling her who He was ("I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die."), and asking her if she believe this.
Now, my immediate reaction is that if this is what I heard as my only response when asking such a question of Jesus, I would be royally ticked. I mean, hello, do you not see my pain here? The bitterness? The anger and hurt? Why are you trying to avoid answering me?
I'm pretty sure those same thoughts were running through my brain (or shouted) over the course of many dark nights of the soul during our four years of trying...
But I think the point made in this story is that Jesus was trying to draw Mary out of her pit of despair -- bring her out to the light of day, beyond the overwhelming darkness and agony of her pain, and remind her of the truth.
The story of Lazarus is a story of deliverance. Deliverance of Lazarus from death. Deliverance of us all through Christ. Deliverance for all of us from our problems, if we just remind ourselves of His truths, and trust in Him.
--While this doesn't necessarily make the problems go away or resolve them, there's no doubt that we'd find more comfort and peace if we truly allowed ourselves to rest and trust in Him, than to cry and rage at things beyond our control.
I realize that it may seem quite easy to some of you for me to say this, now that I'm 'on the other side' and expecting. And while there may be some truth to that, I can tell you honestly that while this would be hard to hear and believe in during our TTC trial, I would have wanted it to be true--and in that wanting, would have found some relief and comfort.
One part that resonated so deeply in me with this story, that I had never picked up on before... I'm sure you've all heard that the shortest verse in the bible is "Jesus wept." This verse is in the Lazarus story - John 11:35. What struck me about it is that he wasn't weeping because his friend Lazarus had died. He was weeping because of the pain and heartache he witnessed on Mary's face.
That the Son of God, who knows the beginning, middle, and end of ALL of our stories, and who knew that Lazarus would be resurrected and restored to his sisters -- that the compassionate nature of our Father was reflected by his weeping with Mary, in witnessing her heartbreak, is incredible to me.
It makes me think back to all the times I sat and cried in the shower because I didn't want to upset DH anymore, or cried while walking the dogs alone, or in my car, or in the work bathrooms... the myriad of places where I have broken down and cried out my pain. That my Father in heaven would not only hear my cries and see my tears, but would cry with me.... I cannot explain how much that means to me, and how much that alone strengthens my faith.
I am so grateful for it. Without it, I don't know how I could have endured those 45 months.
Praying that you all have light and truth in your lives to hold on to when the going gets rough...
Work these past two weeks has been very busy. And I realize that we're at the point of the year when it should be... I just didn't (and don't) feel very prepared for it to be already. I think maybe the PFH has thrown off my internal calendar - and definitely my 'groove' in working with gifts. I still feel like it should be September or something, with year-end busyness still several months away.
I am quite thankful, however, that I'm at this stage in pregnancy to handle it all, when energy is still high, I'm feeling good, and Little Miss's kicks aren't so very strong yet that they inflict pain or loss of breathe. :-)
People are starting to talk to me about babyshowers in early 2011, which is just so surreal. To be at a babyshower, thrown for a baby of mine... I was seriously losing all hope that that day would ever come.
I am definitely going to lose it when that day finally arrives. Guess I better warn the hosts to have plenty of Klee.nex on hand to stem the waterworks.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
On another note - the sunday school class at my church was covering the issue of pain and suffering over the past two weeks' classes. This was actually a topic that I'd requested last year that they speak on... how to deal with pain and suffering in our lives, and how not to take offense at God when we go through those times. We missed the first session of it, sadly, but were there for this sunday's session... and while it didn't cover everything I would have wanted to hear about (most likely what I missed from the previous sunday!), it was so very good, I thought I'd share a bit from it.
They reviewed the story in John 11 of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, when Lazarus falls sick and dies, and in the end is resurrected by Jesus. There's a passage of time in the story during which Lazarus was sick, declined rapidly, died, and then several days passed before Jesus' arrival to Mary & Martha's house. Knowing that he could have saved Lazarus, you can just imagine the hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment that must have been brewing in Mary and Martha in the days before Jesus' arrival. In fact, you can hear it in the passive (yet very accusatory) tone of her first comment to him, when she says, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."
Kind of how I felt down in the miry pit of IF for so very long... bitter, hurt, angry, and resentful that I had to deal with IF at all...that God hadn't saved me from that, or that He hadn't yet chosen to bless me with a pregnancy, month after month after month. So completely bogged down by those thoughts and feelings that I was taking the absence of the response (read: pregnancy) that I wanted from Him as equating to abandonment by Him...
Which it was not.
It's funny though, Jesus' response to Mary's comment. He doesn't address her accusatory statment at all. He completely changed the subject by telling her who He was ("I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die."), and asking her if she believe this.
Now, my immediate reaction is that if this is what I heard as my only response when asking such a question of Jesus, I would be royally ticked. I mean, hello, do you not see my pain here? The bitterness? The anger and hurt? Why are you trying to avoid answering me?
I'm pretty sure those same thoughts were running through my brain (or shouted) over the course of many dark nights of the soul during our four years of trying...
But I think the point made in this story is that Jesus was trying to draw Mary out of her pit of despair -- bring her out to the light of day, beyond the overwhelming darkness and agony of her pain, and remind her of the truth.
The story of Lazarus is a story of deliverance. Deliverance of Lazarus from death. Deliverance of us all through Christ. Deliverance for all of us from our problems, if we just remind ourselves of His truths, and trust in Him.
--While this doesn't necessarily make the problems go away or resolve them, there's no doubt that we'd find more comfort and peace if we truly allowed ourselves to rest and trust in Him, than to cry and rage at things beyond our control.
I realize that it may seem quite easy to some of you for me to say this, now that I'm 'on the other side' and expecting. And while there may be some truth to that, I can tell you honestly that while this would be hard to hear and believe in during our TTC trial, I would have wanted it to be true--and in that wanting, would have found some relief and comfort.
One part that resonated so deeply in me with this story, that I had never picked up on before... I'm sure you've all heard that the shortest verse in the bible is "Jesus wept." This verse is in the Lazarus story - John 11:35. What struck me about it is that he wasn't weeping because his friend Lazarus had died. He was weeping because of the pain and heartache he witnessed on Mary's face.
That the Son of God, who knows the beginning, middle, and end of ALL of our stories, and who knew that Lazarus would be resurrected and restored to his sisters -- that the compassionate nature of our Father was reflected by his weeping with Mary, in witnessing her heartbreak, is incredible to me.
It makes me think back to all the times I sat and cried in the shower because I didn't want to upset DH anymore, or cried while walking the dogs alone, or in my car, or in the work bathrooms... the myriad of places where I have broken down and cried out my pain. That my Father in heaven would not only hear my cries and see my tears, but would cry with me.... I cannot explain how much that means to me, and how much that alone strengthens my faith.
I am so grateful for it. Without it, I don't know how I could have endured those 45 months.
Praying that you all have light and truth in your lives to hold on to when the going gets rough...
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding
It's a, nice day to, start agaaaaaaaain....
Who else can't help but hear that Billy Idol line when they think of weddings??
I found my b-maid dress for A's wedding over the weekend, and thankfully, it's a maternity one. Ol.ian Maternity, long black dress, 'yoke' neckline with black beading... very classic, and while it was more than I'd wanted to pay -- at least all it needs is a good hem-job a week or two beforehand, hallelujah!
In sad wedding-related news... I finally heard back from my other friend G, whose wedding was set for Dec. 11th. She had talked her fiance into going to a few counseling sessions last week, to see if they could work through their (or his) issues... but in the end, it seems her fiance's mind was made up. So their wedding has officially been cancelled.
My heart hurts for her. She still won't talk about what happened -- or really respond to any emails/texts/voicemails... So I'm just praying for her, that she would be surrounded by friends and family who will love and encourage her through this, and that she'll find peace in the situation, somehow.
She's a strong girl...I just hate to know she's hurting. Every time I think of her, I think of this lovely song by Step.hen Kel.log and the Si.xers~
But it's alright
It's gonna hurt sometimes
Everyone bleeds
Even when the sun shines
You gotta see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
No one else can get through
Until you see yourself
Like somebody that loves you.
I tried to link the you-tube video, for anyone that wanted to listen...but alas, my blogger-skills fail me once again. If you find it on you-tube, fast-forward to 0:28, and enjoy. We'll see if the old-fashioned URL listing will work for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRYxw1y6mro
And I hope she'll get past this hurt and be able to see herself like so many of us see her... as someone who is beautiful, vibrant, loveable, smart, funny, generous, and wholly deserving of good man to sweep her off her feet and love & adore her for the rest of her life.
On that note -- have a great weekend ya'll! Hope you all do something fun.
Who else can't help but hear that Billy Idol line when they think of weddings??
I found my b-maid dress for A's wedding over the weekend, and thankfully, it's a maternity one. Ol.ian Maternity, long black dress, 'yoke' neckline with black beading... very classic, and while it was more than I'd wanted to pay -- at least all it needs is a good hem-job a week or two beforehand, hallelujah!
In sad wedding-related news... I finally heard back from my other friend G, whose wedding was set for Dec. 11th. She had talked her fiance into going to a few counseling sessions last week, to see if they could work through their (or his) issues... but in the end, it seems her fiance's mind was made up. So their wedding has officially been cancelled.
My heart hurts for her. She still won't talk about what happened -- or really respond to any emails/texts/voicemails... So I'm just praying for her, that she would be surrounded by friends and family who will love and encourage her through this, and that she'll find peace in the situation, somehow.
She's a strong girl...I just hate to know she's hurting. Every time I think of her, I think of this lovely song by Step.hen Kel.log and the Si.xers~
But it's alright
It's gonna hurt sometimes
Everyone bleeds
Even when the sun shines
You gotta see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
No one else can get through
Until you see yourself
Like somebody that loves you.
I tried to link the you-tube video, for anyone that wanted to listen...but alas, my blogger-skills fail me once again. If you find it on you-tube, fast-forward to 0:28, and enjoy. We'll see if the old-fashioned URL listing will work for me.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uRYxw1y6mro
And I hope she'll get past this hurt and be able to see herself like so many of us see her... as someone who is beautiful, vibrant, loveable, smart, funny, generous, and wholly deserving of good man to sweep her off her feet and love & adore her for the rest of her life.
On that note -- have a great weekend ya'll! Hope you all do something fun.
Gender Reveal!
Yikes... two weeks since my last post. Sorry ladies! What a slacker I am.
SO! Last Friday -- our big Finding Out party with the padres and all the in-laws. It was so fun! My parents drove in from Nashville and got in around 5:30, just as I was putting the finishing touches on everything. I'd picked up the cake on the way home from work, and the baker had ensured there'd be no peaking by covering the cake in a thick layer of fondant chocolate icing... absolutely impossible to 'taste-test' without it being obvious to the world.. smart baker.
The in-laws descended around 7, and everyone was eager to cut the cake. One of my SIL's kept begging us to cut the cake first -- but what fun is that? Then the anticipation factor is out the window, and it's just a regular old dinner party. Thankfully, both DH and I thought it would be more fun to prolong the torture for another hour or so...so we did.
We took a vote on how many thought Baby J was a girl vs. boy...and my, how interesting that was! When we first announced our pregnancy, I'd say the majority of both families claimed we would have a boy. Now that I'm showing, however, I guess that has swayed the opinion... there were 7 votes for a girl, 4 for a boy, and 4 abstained (mostly my nieces & nephews, who were much more interested in our wii than baby-matters).
Then we set out the cake and got ready to find out the truth for ourselves.
Upon first slice of the cake, we could hardly tell what color the batter was, the knife came out so clean! But once we lifted up the slice, there was no longer any doubt... that cake was about as pepto-bismal PINK as you can get!
GIRL it is... and Baby J is now officially Little Miss Baby J, woohoo!
As soon as all the whooping and celebrating died down, DH asked to see the envelope that the u/s tech had given us, just to 'double-check.'
Thankfully, she was very specific -- included a note for us that said "Congratulations...it's a girl!" AND a picture of the money-shot, as confirmation.
The Money Shot
Another couple cute pics of 'Lil Miss...
At 19w2d
Cute little feet
And a wave to the audience! -- already such a social young thing, wouldn't you agree?
Fun stuff, right?
In other news... I said goodbye for now to my last pair of non-maternity pants today. I could wear them another week, maybe, but let's face it...they're not exactly comfortable around the waist any longer. Better to opt for the comfy, stretchy-waist pants (ahhh!). Demi-waist band, how I love you!
These past few days, I feel like my belly has pooched out a little more. Every time I say something like that around the DH, he makes fun of me and reminds me that yes, it should--'cause I'm pregnant.
And it's not that I don't KNOW this... but hey, isn't a gal allowed to marvel and wonder at the changes in her body?? I mean, seriously... it's crazy to wake up a swear that your belly is noticeably bigger than it was the day before. ...And it's definitely a noticeable baby-belly now. Which I love.
Still waking up so grateful for each day of this pregnancy...with every little kick and roll I feel, I stand amazed at the blessing God has granted me. May that never, ever change.
SO! Last Friday -- our big Finding Out party with the padres and all the in-laws. It was so fun! My parents drove in from Nashville and got in around 5:30, just as I was putting the finishing touches on everything. I'd picked up the cake on the way home from work, and the baker had ensured there'd be no peaking by covering the cake in a thick layer of fondant chocolate icing... absolutely impossible to 'taste-test' without it being obvious to the world.. smart baker.
The in-laws descended around 7, and everyone was eager to cut the cake. One of my SIL's kept begging us to cut the cake first -- but what fun is that? Then the anticipation factor is out the window, and it's just a regular old dinner party. Thankfully, both DH and I thought it would be more fun to prolong the torture for another hour or so...so we did.
We took a vote on how many thought Baby J was a girl vs. boy...and my, how interesting that was! When we first announced our pregnancy, I'd say the majority of both families claimed we would have a boy. Now that I'm showing, however, I guess that has swayed the opinion... there were 7 votes for a girl, 4 for a boy, and 4 abstained (mostly my nieces & nephews, who were much more interested in our wii than baby-matters).
Then we set out the cake and got ready to find out the truth for ourselves.
Upon first slice of the cake, we could hardly tell what color the batter was, the knife came out so clean! But once we lifted up the slice, there was no longer any doubt... that cake was about as pepto-bismal PINK as you can get!
GIRL it is... and Baby J is now officially Little Miss Baby J, woohoo!
As soon as all the whooping and celebrating died down, DH asked to see the envelope that the u/s tech had given us, just to 'double-check.'
Thankfully, she was very specific -- included a note for us that said "Congratulations...it's a girl!" AND a picture of the money-shot, as confirmation.
The Money Shot
Another couple cute pics of 'Lil Miss...
At 19w2d
Cute little feet
And a wave to the audience! -- already such a social young thing, wouldn't you agree?
Fun stuff, right?
In other news... I said goodbye for now to my last pair of non-maternity pants today. I could wear them another week, maybe, but let's face it...they're not exactly comfortable around the waist any longer. Better to opt for the comfy, stretchy-waist pants (ahhh!). Demi-waist band, how I love you!
These past few days, I feel like my belly has pooched out a little more. Every time I say something like that around the DH, he makes fun of me and reminds me that yes, it should--'cause I'm pregnant.
And it's not that I don't KNOW this... but hey, isn't a gal allowed to marvel and wonder at the changes in her body?? I mean, seriously... it's crazy to wake up a swear that your belly is noticeably bigger than it was the day before. ...And it's definitely a noticeable baby-belly now. Which I love.
Still waking up so grateful for each day of this pregnancy...with every little kick and roll I feel, I stand amazed at the blessing God has granted me. May that never, ever change.
Friday, October 22, 2010
From Shower to Shower
Ahh, Friday!
Thank goodness I've made it to yet another weekend... and I am thinking that I'm pretty well-prepared for A's bridal shower tomorrow - despite my disastrous experience (to be shared later) in the kitchen last night! Let's just hope I can do a good enough job cleaning out the oven, so that it won't smoke for me tomorrow, when everyone's at the house and I'm baking the breakfast casserole...
I go from hosting A's shower tomorrow morning, to a 4-hour couples baby shower tomorrow afternoon.
...Am still trying to figure out what exactly could be planned at this shindig to warrant a four-hour time slot. DH, on the other hand, is convinced that the hosts are intentionally trying to torture the male guests.
No further news on my friend G, or her wedding... just confirmation back from her that she'd actually only told me and three others about it. That's only half the number of bridesmaids she has, too... so I'm DEFINITELY keeping my mouth shut (as is DH, and his friend Adam) about it from here on out.
Work has been crazy this week. Currently my dept has 19 potential charitable contributions (or 'gifts') in the works... which is about 3 times the normal number for this time of year. I'm used to 19 or more come November, and definitely by December... but this is atypical for October. I'm hoping that means we're getting some done early, and we won't have near as many smushed into the last 2 weeks of the year... but that's most likely wishful thinking.
My belly is definitely poking out now. No hiding it, at 19 weeks (woohoo!). Though I am proud to say that I can still fit into two pairs of my 'big girl' non-maternity pants... if only for another week or so.
Enjoy the weekend, ladies!
Thank goodness I've made it to yet another weekend... and I am thinking that I'm pretty well-prepared for A's bridal shower tomorrow - despite my disastrous experience (to be shared later) in the kitchen last night! Let's just hope I can do a good enough job cleaning out the oven, so that it won't smoke for me tomorrow, when everyone's at the house and I'm baking the breakfast casserole...
I go from hosting A's shower tomorrow morning, to a 4-hour couples baby shower tomorrow afternoon.
...Am still trying to figure out what exactly could be planned at this shindig to warrant a four-hour time slot. DH, on the other hand, is convinced that the hosts are intentionally trying to torture the male guests.
No further news on my friend G, or her wedding... just confirmation back from her that she'd actually only told me and three others about it. That's only half the number of bridesmaids she has, too... so I'm DEFINITELY keeping my mouth shut (as is DH, and his friend Adam) about it from here on out.
Work has been crazy this week. Currently my dept has 19 potential charitable contributions (or 'gifts') in the works... which is about 3 times the normal number for this time of year. I'm used to 19 or more come November, and definitely by December... but this is atypical for October. I'm hoping that means we're getting some done early, and we won't have near as many smushed into the last 2 weeks of the year... but that's most likely wishful thinking.
My belly is definitely poking out now. No hiding it, at 19 weeks (woohoo!). Though I am proud to say that I can still fit into two pairs of my 'big girl' non-maternity pants... if only for another week or so.
Enjoy the weekend, ladies!
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Oh, Bother
This isn't good... not good at all.
I got home yesterday after work, and as we were getting ready to take the pups for a walk, DH starts asking whether I've heard anything more from my friend G, regarding her (potentially cancelled) wedding. I said no.
He then mentions that he'd asked a mutual friend of ours (and G's) from our college days, Adam, whether he'd heard anything about it.
Cue my freak-out.
I immediately laid into him for talking to someone else about it. Based on everything I'd told him (which is not much -- basically everything in my last post reflected the little I know about the situation!), there is NOTHING out there that would suggest that this news is 'public'. I've told him since Sunday evening that I've seen nothing that refers to this on either a) their wedding website, b) face.book, or c) in an email or second text out to the wedding party.
As such, my point to him was, if this had happened to us during our wedding planning/engagement, don't you think that I would still be hoping and praying that our fight blows over? That we would reconcile?
I'm still hoping that for her at this point.
Then I asked him to call Adam back and ask him to keep his mouth shut about it, and not to say anything to anyone... at which point DH told me it was too late for that -- that he'd already asked another guy if he'd heard anything about it, or what was going on. Apparently this other guy was in the groom's fraternity pledge class, so Adam thought he might be 'in the know.' ---Not that any of that really matters when you're 8 years out of college, like they are! To assume someone knows something, just because they were in the same pledge class, seems a little ridiculous to me.
And now it's out there. And I am SO not happy with DH about it.
I reiterated the fact to DH that he really had no business asking anyone about it... that until the news was disseminated to the public somehow -- whether via their wedding website, or by an email or phone call to any wedding party members or invitees to the wedding -- that he really should have kept his mouth shut about it. It wasn't our news to tell. And I though I'd made that clear by my continual reiteration of the fact that NOTHING ELSE HAS BEEN STATED ANYWHERE ABOUT IT, at ALL.
You would have thought he would have at least asked if he could say something to A about it -- we had planned on sharing a hotel with A and his wife that weekend and all.
Now I just hate thinking that this could get back to either the groom or to G, that people now know -- I hate to think that DH and I are to blame for that.
In DH's defense -- he feels awful about it, and now sees why he shouldn't have said anything.. or why he should have at least checked about it with me first, before he talked to anyone.
I've always said I love DH despite his mouth -- let's just say this isn't the first time it's gotten him into trouble.
But man...I feel terrible.
I got home yesterday after work, and as we were getting ready to take the pups for a walk, DH starts asking whether I've heard anything more from my friend G, regarding her (potentially cancelled) wedding. I said no.
He then mentions that he'd asked a mutual friend of ours (and G's) from our college days, Adam, whether he'd heard anything about it.
Cue my freak-out.
I immediately laid into him for talking to someone else about it. Based on everything I'd told him (which is not much -- basically everything in my last post reflected the little I know about the situation!), there is NOTHING out there that would suggest that this news is 'public'. I've told him since Sunday evening that I've seen nothing that refers to this on either a) their wedding website, b) face.book, or c) in an email or second text out to the wedding party.
As such, my point to him was, if this had happened to us during our wedding planning/engagement, don't you think that I would still be hoping and praying that our fight blows over? That we would reconcile?
I'm still hoping that for her at this point.
Then I asked him to call Adam back and ask him to keep his mouth shut about it, and not to say anything to anyone... at which point DH told me it was too late for that -- that he'd already asked another guy if he'd heard anything about it, or what was going on. Apparently this other guy was in the groom's fraternity pledge class, so Adam thought he might be 'in the know.' ---Not that any of that really matters when you're 8 years out of college, like they are! To assume someone knows something, just because they were in the same pledge class, seems a little ridiculous to me.
And now it's out there. And I am SO not happy with DH about it.
I reiterated the fact to DH that he really had no business asking anyone about it... that until the news was disseminated to the public somehow -- whether via their wedding website, or by an email or phone call to any wedding party members or invitees to the wedding -- that he really should have kept his mouth shut about it. It wasn't our news to tell. And I though I'd made that clear by my continual reiteration of the fact that NOTHING ELSE HAS BEEN STATED ANYWHERE ABOUT IT, at ALL.
You would have thought he would have at least asked if he could say something to A about it -- we had planned on sharing a hotel with A and his wife that weekend and all.
Now I just hate thinking that this could get back to either the groom or to G, that people now know -- I hate to think that DH and I are to blame for that.
In DH's defense -- he feels awful about it, and now sees why he shouldn't have said anything.. or why he should have at least checked about it with me first, before he talked to anyone.
I've always said I love DH despite his mouth -- let's just say this isn't the first time it's gotten him into trouble.
But man...I feel terrible.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Jilted
I'm officially 18 weeks and counting...less than a week to go before our next u/s, when we find out the gender! I'm so excited. I know it will be hard to wait the four days between our scan on Monday and our "finding out" party that Friday night, but it will be fun to learn the sex with all DH's family and my parents there. Can't WAIT.
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On a sad note....I got a random text from my friend G on Sunday -- she's the one getting married December 11th in Philly, whose ginormous bridemaid's dress I had to get in a size 16 due to my baby bump (and just picked up last week). It was pretty shocking --she was letting all the bridesmaids know that her fiancé has called off the wedding... 7 weeks before the big day.
I feel so bad for her - and I HATE that she's so far away. She said she didn't want to talk in her text--and she is famous for drawing herself in and shutting everyone out when things aren't going well (she did the same thing when her mom had a stroke several years ago). And while I understand the need for time, and not wanting to talk about it over and over again -- I HATE feeling so helpless, and not being there to walk through this tough time with her.
And I have absolutely no idea what happened to bring this about. G is impossible to get in touch with -- I've called/emailed/texted for years without getting more than a few responses in a 12 month period... so my expectations of actually hearing anything from her are low, sadly. Another b-maid lives in town that went to college with both of us, so I've sent her an email, asking if G had mentioned any stresses or issues when she was there for the bachelorette weekend a few weeks ago...we'll see if she knows of anything.
I'm also still hoping this will blow over between them... somewhat. They dated for 9 years long-distance before they even lived in the same city, and then got engaged a year later... and during that 9 years LD, it was definitely a roller-coaster ride. He would be all about marriage, and she wouldn't -- then they'd reverse roles, and SHE'd be gung-ho about getting hitched, and he'd be indifferent or unsure. So part of me wonders if this isn't just a 'relapse' into their old behaviors...or if this is really the heart of how he feels. I definitely don't want them to get hitched if either have any real doubts, Lord knows.
DH is, of course, thinking of the money we've already spent towards this... about $450 in airfare, $300 on the b-maid dress, another $100 or so on the bridal shower/bachelorette party...thank goodness we hadn't yet booked our hotel or had the dress altered. Yikes.
But worst of all, I received their wedding invitation in the mail yesterday. I'm betting that a large majority of her invites were sent out already, which means she/he or both will have to make phone calls or send follow-up letters out to everyone, letting them know it's off. ...I can only imagine how painful that would be... talk about pouring salt in an open wound!
My heart just hurts for her. And at this point, all I know to do is pray for her... just wish I was there to give her a big hug, too.
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On a sad note....I got a random text from my friend G on Sunday -- she's the one getting married December 11th in Philly, whose ginormous bridemaid's dress I had to get in a size 16 due to my baby bump (and just picked up last week). It was pretty shocking --she was letting all the bridesmaids know that her fiancé has called off the wedding... 7 weeks before the big day.
I feel so bad for her - and I HATE that she's so far away. She said she didn't want to talk in her text--and she is famous for drawing herself in and shutting everyone out when things aren't going well (she did the same thing when her mom had a stroke several years ago). And while I understand the need for time, and not wanting to talk about it over and over again -- I HATE feeling so helpless, and not being there to walk through this tough time with her.
And I have absolutely no idea what happened to bring this about. G is impossible to get in touch with -- I've called/emailed/texted for years without getting more than a few responses in a 12 month period... so my expectations of actually hearing anything from her are low, sadly. Another b-maid lives in town that went to college with both of us, so I've sent her an email, asking if G had mentioned any stresses or issues when she was there for the bachelorette weekend a few weeks ago...we'll see if she knows of anything.
I'm also still hoping this will blow over between them... somewhat. They dated for 9 years long-distance before they even lived in the same city, and then got engaged a year later... and during that 9 years LD, it was definitely a roller-coaster ride. He would be all about marriage, and she wouldn't -- then they'd reverse roles, and SHE'd be gung-ho about getting hitched, and he'd be indifferent or unsure. So part of me wonders if this isn't just a 'relapse' into their old behaviors...or if this is really the heart of how he feels. I definitely don't want them to get hitched if either have any real doubts, Lord knows.
DH is, of course, thinking of the money we've already spent towards this... about $450 in airfare, $300 on the b-maid dress, another $100 or so on the bridal shower/bachelorette party...thank goodness we hadn't yet booked our hotel or had the dress altered. Yikes.
But worst of all, I received their wedding invitation in the mail yesterday. I'm betting that a large majority of her invites were sent out already, which means she/he or both will have to make phone calls or send follow-up letters out to everyone, letting them know it's off. ...I can only imagine how painful that would be... talk about pouring salt in an open wound!
My heart just hurts for her. And at this point, all I know to do is pray for her... just wish I was there to give her a big hug, too.
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