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Wednesday, April 7, 2010


Today I've decided to be bold.

To throw off the cloak of reserve that is my normal mantle of comfort.

Today, I decided to take my journey through infertility public. ...To publish the ins-and-outs, ups-and-downs, fears-and-failures that has been our road thus far.

This is momentus for me; I am a private person. Talking about this, even to friends and family, has been difficult. There's no doubt that I am guilty of being too reserved, too reticent with my thoughts and feelings. No doubt I have remained guarded in a (vain) attempt at self-preservation.

BUT. What I have come to realize is that guarding this...issue, season, process, FACT about my life that I can no longer hide -- it really doesn't help. At ALL. In fact, I probably spend more time and have a higher anxiety level from not having shared it, or let others who share a similar pain speak into it and walk alongside me.

So today I choose to share, to lay bare my thoughts and feelings---ugly and painful as so many of them are. Forgive me my honesty; at times I know it will be brutal. Forgive me my flaws; I know they are many. Take me for what I am, and with a grain of salt -- I'm a work in progress, and Lord knows He's got lots of room for improvement. Seriously folks.

But for today...

Today I also choose to hope.