Little Miss Baby J

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Monday, November 22, 2010

Monday Monday good to me...

I'm dragging today. A long weekend of Christmas shopping and caring for both pups by myself has left me feeling pretty tired. --That, and having to wake up extra-early for my 23-week OB appointment.

Thankfully, everything with Little Miss looks good, and I am keeping my weight gain at a normal 1 lb a week rate.

...Wonder if I'll succeed in keeping that rate for my next appointment, post-Turkey-Day?

I also started in on my other major project, "Make Room For Baby," and cleaned out two drawers full of pictures to put away in photo boxes. ...this in rather small and vain attempt to clean up & organize the two rooms needed to convert one into the guest room and the other into the nursery. I must admit - while I did get the photo project done, I've realized that didn't make even a dent in the rest of what needs to be done to get those two rooms in order. Ay yi yi...

But I won't think about that now... I'll think about that in January. (Love that Scarlett!)

Eleven days 'til my friend A's wedding on the 4th. Think that's enough time to tone up my arms?? (Sigh)

Okay... enough ramblings from me. My brain is scattered today from lack of sleep, and my thoughts are following suit.

Dear Lord, please let the next two days of work pass by without too much craziness or last minute issues... And please let me sleep at night, so I don't feel like a rambling, babbling idiot during the day. Amen.

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Whistle While You Work

I'm going to have to remind myself to do this in the coming weeks... anything to make it seem more manageable and less stressful!

Work these past two weeks has been very busy. And I realize that we're at the point of the year when it should be... I just didn't (and don't) feel very prepared for it to be already. I think maybe the PFH has thrown off my internal calendar - and definitely my 'groove' in working with gifts. I still feel like it should be September or something, with year-end busyness still several months away.

I am quite thankful, however, that I'm at this stage in pregnancy to handle it all, when energy is still high, I'm feeling good, and Little Miss's kicks aren't so very strong yet that they inflict pain or loss of breathe. :-)

People are starting to talk to me about babyshowers in early 2011, which is just so surreal. To be at a babyshower, thrown for a baby of mine... I was seriously losing all hope that that day would ever come.

I am definitely going to lose it when that day finally arrives. Guess I better warn the hosts to have plenty of Klee.nex on hand to stem the waterworks.

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On another note - the sunday school class at my church was covering the issue of pain and suffering over the past two weeks' classes. This was actually a topic that I'd requested last year that they speak on... how to deal with pain and suffering in our lives, and how not to take offense at God when we go through those times. We missed the first session of it, sadly, but were there for this sunday's session... and while it didn't cover everything I would have wanted to hear about (most likely what I missed from the previous sunday!), it was so very good, I thought I'd share a bit from it.

They reviewed the story in John 11 of Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, when Lazarus falls sick and dies, and in the end is resurrected by Jesus. There's a passage of time in the story during which Lazarus was sick, declined rapidly, died, and then several days passed before Jesus' arrival to Mary & Martha's house. Knowing that he could have saved Lazarus, you can just imagine the hurt, anger, bitterness, and resentment that must have been brewing in Mary and Martha in the days before Jesus' arrival. In fact, you can hear it in the passive (yet very accusatory) tone of her first comment to him, when she says, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

Kind of how I felt down in the miry pit of IF for so very long... bitter, hurt, angry, and resentful that I had to deal with IF at all...that God hadn't saved me from that, or that He hadn't yet chosen to bless me with a pregnancy, month after month after month. So completely bogged down by those thoughts and feelings that I was taking the absence of the response (read: pregnancy) that I wanted from Him as equating to abandonment by Him...

Which it was not.

It's funny though, Jesus' response to Mary's comment. He doesn't address her accusatory statment at all. He completely changed the subject by telling her who He was ("I am the resurrection and the life. The one who believes in me will live, even though they die; and whoever lives by believing in me will never die."), and asking her if she believe this.

Now, my immediate reaction is that if this is what I heard as my only response when asking such a question of Jesus, I would be royally ticked. I mean, hello, do you not see my pain here? The bitterness? The anger and hurt? Why are you trying to avoid answering me?

I'm pretty sure those same thoughts were running through my brain (or shouted) over the course of many dark nights of the soul during our four years of trying...

But I think the point made in this story is that Jesus was trying to draw Mary out of her pit of despair -- bring her out to the light of day, beyond the overwhelming darkness and agony of her pain, and remind her of the truth.

The story of Lazarus is a story of deliverance. Deliverance of Lazarus from death. Deliverance of us all through Christ. Deliverance for all of us from our problems, if we just remind ourselves of His truths, and trust in Him.

--While this doesn't necessarily make the problems go away or resolve them, there's no doubt that we'd find more comfort and peace if we truly allowed ourselves to rest and trust in Him, than to cry and rage at things beyond our control.

I realize that it may seem quite easy to some of you for me to say this, now that I'm 'on the other side' and expecting. And while there may be some truth to that, I can tell you honestly that while this would be hard to hear and believe in during our TTC trial, I would have wanted it to be true--and in that wanting, would have found some relief and comfort.

One part that resonated so deeply in me with this story, that I had never picked up on before... I'm sure you've all heard that the shortest verse in the bible is "Jesus wept." This verse is in the Lazarus story - John 11:35. What struck me about it is that he wasn't weeping because his friend Lazarus had died. He was weeping because of the pain and heartache he witnessed on Mary's face.

That the Son of God, who knows the beginning, middle, and end of ALL of our stories, and who knew that Lazarus would be resurrected and restored to his sisters -- that the compassionate nature of our Father was reflected by his weeping with Mary, in witnessing her heartbreak, is incredible to me.

It makes me think back to all the times I sat and cried in the shower because I didn't want to upset DH anymore, or cried while walking the dogs alone, or in my car, or in the work bathrooms... the myriad of places where I have broken down and cried out my pain. That my Father in heaven would not only hear my cries and see my tears, but would cry with me.... I cannot explain how much that means to me, and how much that alone strengthens my faith.

I am so grateful for it. Without it, I don't know how I could have endured those 45 months.

Praying that you all have light and truth in your lives to hold on to when the going gets rough...

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

It's a Nice Day for a White Wedding

It's a, nice day to, start agaaaaaaaain....

Who else can't help but hear that Billy Idol line when they think of weddings??

I found my b-maid dress for A's wedding over the weekend, and thankfully, it's a maternity one. Ol.ian Maternity, long black dress, 'yoke' neckline with black beading... very classic, and while it was more than I'd wanted to pay -- at least all it needs is a good hem-job a week or two beforehand, hallelujah!

In sad wedding-related news... I finally heard back from my other friend G, whose wedding was set for Dec. 11th. She had talked her fiance into going to a few counseling sessions last week, to see if they could work through their (or his) issues... but in the end, it seems her fiance's mind was made up. So their wedding has officially been cancelled.

My heart hurts for her. She still won't talk about what happened -- or really respond to any emails/texts/voicemails... So I'm just praying for her, that she would be surrounded by friends and family who will love and encourage her through this, and that she'll find peace in the situation, somehow.

She's a strong girl...I just hate to know she's hurting. Every time I think of her, I think of this lovely song by Step.hen Kel.log and the Si.xers~

But it's alright
It's gonna hurt sometimes
Everyone bleeds
Even when the sun shines

You gotta see yourself like I do
See yourself from my point of view
No one else can get through
Until you see yourself
Like somebody that loves you.

I tried to link the you-tube video, for anyone that wanted to listen...but alas, my blogger-skills fail me once again. If you find it on you-tube, fast-forward to 0:28, and enjoy. We'll see if the old-fashioned URL listing will work for me.

And I hope she'll get past this hurt and be able to see herself like so many of us see her... as someone who is beautiful, vibrant, loveable, smart, funny, generous, and wholly deserving of good man to sweep her off her feet and love & adore her for the rest of her life.

On that note -- have a great weekend ya'll! Hope you all do something fun.

Gender Reveal!

Yikes... two weeks since my last post. Sorry ladies! What a slacker I am.

SO! Last Friday -- our big Finding Out party with the padres and all the in-laws. It was so fun! My parents drove in from Nashville and got in around 5:30, just as I was putting the finishing touches on everything. I'd picked up the cake on the way home from work, and the baker had ensured there'd be no peaking by covering the cake in a thick layer of fondant chocolate icing... absolutely impossible to 'taste-test' without it being obvious to the world.. smart baker.

The in-laws descended around 7, and everyone was eager to cut the cake. One of my SIL's kept begging us to cut the cake first -- but what fun is that? Then the anticipation factor is out the window, and it's just a regular old dinner party. Thankfully, both DH and I thought it would be more fun to prolong the torture for another hour or we did.

We took a vote on how many thought Baby J was a girl vs. boy...and my, how interesting that was! When we first announced our pregnancy, I'd say the majority of both families claimed we would have a boy. Now that I'm showing, however, I guess that has swayed the opinion... there were 7 votes for a girl, 4 for a boy, and 4 abstained (mostly my nieces & nephews, who were much more interested in our wii than baby-matters).

Then we set out the cake and got ready to find out the truth for ourselves.

Upon first slice of the cake, we could hardly tell what color the batter was, the knife came out so clean! But once we lifted up the slice, there was no longer any doubt... that cake was about as pepto-bismal PINK as you can get!

GIRL it is... and Baby J is now officially Little Miss Baby J, woohoo!

As soon as all the whooping and celebrating died down, DH asked to see the envelope that the u/s tech had given us, just to 'double-check.'

Thankfully, she was very specific -- included a note for us that said "'s a girl!" AND a picture of the money-shot, as confirmation.

The Money Shot

Another couple cute pics of 'Lil Miss...

At 19w2d

Cute little feet

And a wave to the audience! -- already such a social young thing, wouldn't you agree?

Fun stuff, right?

In other news... I said goodbye for now to my last pair of non-maternity pants today. I could wear them another week, maybe, but let's face it...they're not exactly comfortable around the waist any longer. Better to opt for the comfy, stretchy-waist pants (ahhh!). Demi-waist band, how I love you!

These past few days, I feel like my belly has pooched out a little more. Every time I say something like that around the DH, he makes fun of me and reminds me that yes, it should--'cause I'm pregnant.

And it's not that I don't KNOW this... but hey, isn't a gal allowed to marvel and wonder at the changes in her body?? I mean, seriously... it's crazy to wake up a swear that your belly is noticeably bigger than it was the day before. ...And it's definitely a noticeable baby-belly now. Which I love.

Still waking up so grateful for each day of this pregnancy...with every little kick and roll I feel, I stand amazed at the blessing God has granted me. May that never, ever change.