Little Miss Baby J

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Friday, July 30, 2010

First ultrasound

Houston, we have a heartbeat...!!

And yes -- just ONE heartbeat. But we are overjoyed, and could not be happier or more thankful.

I think our nurse was in shock at how quiet we were during the whole ultrasound, but I think both DH and I were just too overwhelmed to say much... we just couldn't get over the fact that we are, indeed, pregant---and got to see the proof of it right there on the screen!

It was incredible... Baby J is measuring at about a quarter of an inch -- right on track, praise God.

And to see the little pulse of its' heart took my breath away. The nurse was even able to turn on the sound so that we could listen to the heartbeat...absolutely amazing.

I'll try to upload the pic later tonight -- but for now, I've gotta dive back into work...and at least attempt to focus for the remainder of the day. :)

Estimated Due Date: March 19, 2011.

Next u/s appointment: August 16th. I can't wait!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Just so you know...

I hope my last post didn't come across as whine-y or complaining... that really wasn't my intention. I wanted merely to point out a few of the 'symptoms' of pregnancy that I've observed over the past few weeks.

And while some of them aren't always easy, NONE of it merits complaint. Truly, I am delighted to be experiencing any of them.

I wake up each morning, thankful and so very grateful for the days and weeks that have passed thus far, still in disbelief at the fact that I can claim that I am pregnant -- that life can grow within me -- that our hopes and dreams for a baby of our own may one day be realized after all.

At the same time, I know that these days have likely been both good and bad for those continuing through treatments, on a break from treatments, or considering alternatives... Just know that I'm still following along with you & your blogs and keeping you in my prayers.

If I've learned anything on this journey, it's that community and support can make a world of difference...and I certainly don't intend to withhold support and encouragement to others when I have been so deeply blessed by it myself.

Love to you all~

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Observations thus far...

So, here I am...supposedly six weeks, 3 days pregnant--according to whatever website I checked.

I'm still not sure this is real. Mentally, this is still too surreal for me to believe at this point.

Physically, my body is giving me plenty of signs that it is, which is reassuring...

Like this weekend, for example. It felt like some sort of switch was flipped.

Suddenly, smells are overpowering. We had italian on Friday night, which was fine -- but when my DH heated up his leftovers to eat on Saturday, it was as if the garlic was assaulting me from every direction. There was no place in the house that I could escape it. To him, it just smelled "a little garlicy, like normal."

We ventured out for some big city 'culture' on Saturday afternoon, and went to the Mu.seum of Art with some friends. They drove -- which ended up being torturous. Everytime I got into their car, I was overwhelmed by the stench of dog urine... knowing that it was their little male dog that had probably 'marked' his territory on the very seat on which we were sitting...lovely. Thankfully, I tolerated the ride without losing my lunch. (whew)

Sleep, too, has become more of a challenge. It's no longer just the multiple trips to the bathroom--of which I'm now averaging 2-3 per night. The bigger problem is that now when I get up to pee, my mind suddenly goes on overdrive and my thoughts start racing.... making it practically impossible to drift back to sleep immediately.

Dreams remain quite vivid, and very strange! Sunday night, after finally falling back to sleep from one of my 5 am bathroom breaks, I dreamt that I still was unable to sleep, got on the internet, read the most recent post from April on Creek Fa.rm, and decided it was a grand idea to call her and ask about a recipe that she'd referred to in her post. Craziest thing about the dream was that she answered --even though it was 5 am EST / 4 am CST, where she lived.... I was so shocked that she answered the phone that I could hardly speak.

...Still don't know what recipe it was that I was calling to ask about...!

I also realized over the weekend that whatever hormones are raging through my body right now are making me HUN.GRY...and IRR.IT.ABLE... Sunday morning we woke up late, and had 15 minutes to get ready before church. In lieu of a real breakfast, the DH made PB toast for both of us to scarf down in the car, on the drive there. ...Not really a big enough meal to satisfy me these days, let's just say... Throughout our sunday school class, my stomach was growling. Midway through the church service, I could barely stand the hunger. At one point, I made a comment to DH about how hungry I was, and his response? "Focus-- pay attention to the service, okay?"

Clearly, not the response I was looking for.

And THEN, when the service had finally finished, despite repeated comments from me about how seriously hungry I was, my husband engaged in his usual post-service chat-fest... He is a complete social butterfly, and pulling him away from chatting is like pulling eyeteeth... practically impossible!

On our way to lunch, he decides to turn the focus of chat on me, and starts asking me all these questions about typical pregnancy stuff - like when do you first start having morning sickness? When do ppl start showing? etc... All this stuff that I'd mentioned over the coarse of the past few days' dog-walking jaunts that I DON'T KNOW, seeing as how I've never been focused on pregnancy before now... So we ended up squabbling over the fact that a)I was snappy due to low blood sugar (of which he'd been given PLENTY of fair warning!) and b) I'd told him repeatedly that I knew diddly-squat about being pregnant, or what to expect when. He had a hard time believing that... I had to remind him that the previous FOUR YEARS had been spent reading everything about trying to GET pregnant, not about being pregnant. What was I, sadistic? Why would I have tortured myself like that???

So that was my Sunday. ...After that conversation, he wisely left me alone 'til after we'd had lunch... :)

In real world updates -- I go today for my annual exam, to a new dr recommended to me by a friend of mine (thanks friend!). I considered staying with my old ob/gyn, but I'd had such a bad experience with them when I first started down the road of IF that I knew I'd never feel truly comfortable with them. I don't want a dr that treats those who are IF as if they are social outcasts. And this new dr shares an office building with my RE, which I like. So I go today to check this new lady out. I'm hoping that I like her, and won't have to look any further.

Friday is the Big Day -- first ultrasound. First chance to make sure everything is normal, and developing on schedule. First chance to hear a heartbeat -- Lord, please let it be strong and healthy.

First chance to see just how many buns we've got in the oven...

We're praying for one healthy baby. If we have two, and we'll consider ourselves doubly blessed.

Three more days 'til we know for sure...!

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

Final Beta

Earlier today, in a rather boring meeting that I was suffering through, I was trying to estimate what I thought my beta might be, if indeed it was doubling every other day, from last wednesday until today.

Last Wednesday's beta: 525.8

The number that I came up with was 8,000 -- a rough estimate, but still, something to have in mind when the nurse called to give me the update.

Today's beta: 8,095!

I'm so thankful -- thankful that we've gotten this far in the process, thankful that the number is (reassuringly) around what I'd thought it should be, and thankful at just the prospect of getting to carry a little one in my womb.

"He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted." Job 9:10

...Counting my blessings for even the hope of the miracle that He has made possible through this...

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

It is too hot to be sitting at the computer (unfortunately just a desktop, and in one of the hottest rooms in the house), and it was too long a day at work to want to be on one long... so this may be short. But I felt bad that it had been so long since my last post--thus, my self-sacrifice of cool air downstairs & trash tv to bring you today's installment!

Last Thursday morning I woke up smiling. Not just because I'd had my second positive beta reading! --though that did play into it, I'm sure. The real reason I woke up smiling was because I had my first pregnancy dream.

This may seem so ridiculously trivial to you -- but to me, it was major.

For the past four years, I have been praying to get pregnant. And ya'll know that up 'til recently, I've had not the slightest bit of success. But during those years, I would always pray and ask God to give me just the tiniest sign that one day I'd be a mother---to give me a dream that I'm pregnant, just once. Sometimes that would be the last thought in my mind as I fell asleep at night.

Four years, and no dreams of pregnancy. Not a one.

But last Wednesday night, I had a dream. --and boy, was it strange! (guess I wasn't really specific about the particulars...)

I dreamt that I was in the North GA mountains at a company retreat, so there were lots of co-workers making cameos in my dream. I was in the dream -- not just watching myself like on tv--and I vividly remember the thrill I felt when I looked down and saw a round, pregnant belly--my own. So surreal.

Then the scene changed -- it was pouring down rain, the roads were flooding terribly, and I had to get in someone's truck to go to the hospital (not really sure why). The weird part was that the roads were so flooded, it was more like we were floating down the 'river' / street...and the truck kept spinning slowly around in the water. Craziness.

Then I was at the hospital, and for some reason, some guy in the waiting room grabbed hold of me and started twirling me around the floor, waltzing away.

And then I woke up. :)

Isn't that the craziest, weirdest dream? But it was so vivid. And I had a pregnant belly in it... so I woke up smiling, and thanking God for granting me one, and an entertaining one at that!

The weekend was good -- spent Friday night at home with DH, and then drove over to Birmingham to spend the rest of the weekend with one of my best girlfriends, and her two little girls. She's trying to abide by my "lets-not-get-too-excited-YET" mantra, but it's not coming easy for her.

As far as how I'm feeling -- other than tired, sore boobs, bloated tummy (either due to any lingering OHSS or from being a tad stopped up from the progesterone, I'm not sure), and the occasional mild headache, I feel fine.

I'm still wondering if this is real, or if I'm going to wake up tomorrow and find that it's all been another strange dream...

Tomorrow morning: 3rd and final beta test.

Guess we'll know more tomorrow night!

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Sore Cheeks

...and I'm not talking the ones you smile with!

Actually, to be quite specific, I'm talking about the upper, outer "quadrant" of both cheeks. :)

Thus far, I have had 17 intra-muscular (IM) injections of progesterone-in-oil (PIO).

The first two weeks of shots, I was thinking, man, this isn't so bad! What was all that talk about bruising, soreness, hitting nerves, etc? Those girls must have exaggerated---or maybe they're just more sensitive than me... This is a breeze!

Umm, yeah... all that changed on Monday.

All of a sudden, it seems like my body is realizing that these shots WILL take place nightly, and has finally decided to voice their objection to them in the form of pain. My right and left hip are so sore that pulling on and off clothes makes me wince, as does getting into and out of bed.

...So maybe those girls weren't full of malarky after all...

Oh, and before I forget -- today's Beta Update: 525.8.

Not quite "doubled" from Monday (315) -- should I be worried at all?

The nurse said the dr was satisfied with the number, and didn't have a problem with it. Still -- I don't know if I should be disappointed that it wasn't higher? --Or am I overthinking this?

They've scheduled my third and final Beta test for next Wednesday morning... praying the numbers continue to climb, and they're where they should be by then...

(p.s.... Just wanted to make sure you all knew I didn't think any of you were full of "malarky" ....isn't that a funny word though??)

Monday, July 12, 2010

Drumroll, please...

About to run into yet another meeting... but JUST got the call.

And I couldn't help myself -- I had to answer.

My beta number: 315.8 (!!!!!!)

...I am in shock, and can hardly believe this is real...though I know I can't really count this as really real until we know for certain that my numbers double.

So back to the dr on Wednesday morning for beta #2.

Mentally am COMPLETELY freaking out...but am having to keep it together for the next hour and half.

Praise God from whom ALL blessings flow, for letting us get this far.


Sunday, July 11, 2010

The Call

This has been the.longest.weekend.EVER.

Despite my best efforts to distract myself, I have been antsy for at least the past 24 hours... and keep thinking of how many hours left I have 'til The Call...when the RE office will give me the news on whether my beta test is positive or negative for pregnancy.

Geez, I start to freak out just reading those words!

And of course, as luck would have it, the "re-engagement" kick-off of the PFH (see post here) starts tomorrow. Kick-off starts at 1 pm, and there are back-to-back meetings 'til 5:30. The call? I'm guessing it will come in around 2-3:30, which is when they typically make the calls out to patients for dosage instructions, etc.

Which means it will most likely fall smack-dab in the middle of our meetings.

Which means I'll have to step out to take the news.

Which also means that I'll have to re-join the meeting afterwards... no matter what the outcome.

I'm a little worried about that part of it... if it's bad news, how in the world will I keep it together? How will I endure more hours of meetings?

On the flip side, if it's positive--how will I contain myself for that long? Or pay attention to absolutely anything that goes on?

I wish I could call in sick for the afternoon, but with my boss out on vacation this week, there's no one else that could sit in on the meetings to represent my department. Just me.

One day. One more day of this torture, and then we'll know, either way.

No matter what, I promise to post the result.

For those of you who actually know the woman behind the realm of Blog.ger, I would ask that you not share the news with anyone--mutual friends, etc... We plan on staying quiet about it, even if it's positive, for at least the first 8-10 weeks. As my DH says, we want to make sure things "stick." (very eloquent, isn't he?) But I'm in complete agreement with him.

Any idea what I can do to stay focused tomorrow? Outside of legal stimulants (coffee, oh how I miss you!) or prescription drugs (, I hear you work wonders)? ;-)

Monday evening, you can't get here fast enough!

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Internal Debate

Umm...does anyone know if you count the day of the transfer in your __dp5dt number? Or do you start with the day AFTER?

If the latter, that means I'm 8dp5dt (8 days past 5 day transfer). If the former, then I'm 7dp5dt.

Hmmmm. ...still 4 more days to go, either way you slice it.

Which brings me to my internal debate: to test, or not. POAS, or just wait for the definitive beta test.

I can't decide what to do--or not do, for that matter.

Pros: if I did POAS this weekend (most likely Saturday or Sunday), I would have some idea whether or not this round actually worked. I could potentially see the elusive "pregnant" or a double line in those darn HPT's.

Cons: if I did POAS, I could be facing some MAJOR news---good or reallyreally bad--all by myself. The DH is gone 'til Sunday. I don't know that I could handle that--and whatever the outcome turns out to be, I wouldn't want to share that by phone, after all we've been through. Also, it's not a conclusive test like the beta is -- so what if I get my hopes up OR dashed, and it turns out not to be right?

All I know is that I'm going to try my absolute best to distract myself this weekend...and with the hubby gone, I get to do everything MY way! Make the food I like (ooo, I can almost taste you, thai chicken curry!), window shop to my heart's content (bring it on, Anthro and Banana), and watch all the trash tv and chick flicks I can handle (Letters to Juliet, anyone??).

THAT part of the weekend might be pretty nice!

On other movie notes: amazingly, I've seen several new ones in theaters recently. Shocking, considering the hubs is usually against paying movie ticket prices. He much prefers the cost of our netflix! But I've seen Robin Hood (good--tho it coulda used a tad more heat b/n Cate Blanchett and whatshisface), Eclipse (good! even better than New Moon), and Knight and Day (very good "romantic action comedy," I think they're calling it. Very entertaining). Oh, and Hot Tub Time Machine on DVD... which, before you judge, is actually quite hilarious. Check out the rating it got on Rotten Tomatoes. Seriously. I know--I was completely shocked it was that good. But it is. I DARE you to not appreciate it, any child of the 80's out there.

So that's my quick movie review for you... If you can think of any good ones that I should rent this weekend, let me know. I'm open to suggestions!

Thursday, July 1, 2010


Sheeew. It's over.

Round #2 is officially Hallelujah!

The ET was yesterday morning, 9:30. First slight mishap was that I'd neglected to drink enough water... I couldn't remember how much (40 oz, yowzas!), and only drank like 20, so they had to make me chug a few more. Second thing was that my RE was MIA for the first 20 minutes or so. --Turns out he was still seeing a few patients a few floors down, and was running late. But, given the additional water I had to suck down, it all worked out okay.

The embryologist started with a picture of one embryo up on the screen, awaiting us when we got into the room. However, we ended up asking to transfer two embryos, instead of just the one. Our RE wasn't exactly 100% behind the decision, but he did say it was up to us, and he wouldn't object. (I believe his exact words were "don't come running to us at 3 am when the twins are crying or need diapers changed!")

It may not seem significant, but a second embryo increases our chance of pregnancy by about 10-15%. After 4 years of TTC, we're prepared to risk multiples in the hopes of having just ONE to take home... so to us, it was a no-brainer.

...Now, if we can all pray that we don't have any freak embryo-splitting situations here, that would be good... I don't know what I'd do if they both split and we ended up with quads.

Thankfully, that's pretty unlikely. (right God??)

Of all 11 embryos that fertilized, we had 5 very good-to-excellent ones (he didn't give me the grading info on them, and I forgot to ask). The other 6 were a little slower to develop, but they were going to keep them incubating for the next 5 days, and see if any more got to blastocyt levels. If so, they'll freeze them for future use.

The DH was with me the entire time.... other than having various people down in my ladyparts region, which was a tad uncomfortable for him, I think he thought it was all pretty cool. I was glad he got to be there for it...the culmination of all our efforts in this round.

Now, for the pictures!

This first pic is of Emby A -- the big one. This is the first one that they'd selected for us:

This second pic is what we actually transferred... Emby B is on the left, and Emby A is on the right:

Don't they look so cool?? ---Maybe I'm just biased... maybe every gal thinks her own embryos are the most beautiful things ever, I don't know... ;-)

Beta is set for Monday, July 12th, 7:30 am.

Now we wait.

--Oh yeah, before I forget...Funniest part of yesterday's ET experience: when DH referred to the other embies still 'cooking' in the "peachtree dish."

...He didn't even realize that he'd said "peachtree" instead of "petri"...!

Hilarious! Love that man.