Four More Weeks to Wait

Sadly, no u/s at my OB appointment on Tuesday, so it will be the end of October before we know what we're having... (sigh)

It seems like such a long way off, but I'm thinking it will be here before I know it!

October is going to be B.U.S.Y. -- between this trip to DC (thru the 6th), my friend Laura visiting us from San Fran (9th-13th), a work trip (13th-15th), and then planning/prepping for my friend A's bridal shower that I'm co-hosting (the 23rd), I will be QUITE distracted for the next several weeks...and then, lo and behold, the end of October will be here already.

Which is good. But every time I think about the fact that November will probably be here in a blink, I start getting a little nervous... In my world, it means two things: 1) my 2nd job as THE Christmas Present Buyer will re-commence--which means I have to figure out what to get for everyone on both sides of my family; and 2) the busy season at work will be upon me...

And kids, we're talking BUSY. Working for a non-profit means that everyone's looking to make their 'gifts' prior to 12/31, so they can get in that final tax deduction for the year... which basically translates to mean that work life can be hell 'til January 1st. Over 60% of our entire year's activity will occur in the final 3 weeks of the year. In my world, that means crazy, crazy stress, 12-16 hr work days, everyone running around like chickens with our heads cut off... pausing briefly for a quiet, calm, Christmas Day, to celebrate the birth of baby Jesus. :-) --Then it's madness 'til midnight on New Year's Eve!

Which brings me to share with you my big dilemma: do I 'retire' in March, or do I come back to work?

My DH doesn't want me to come back full-time, and in my current position, I don't think there's any way to make it work as a part-time gig --- nor would I desire to be a part of the stress/workload during the holidays---when people should be allowed/available to spend time with their family and friends.

Would I be happy staying home full-time? I don't really know. Part of me wonders if I would need some sort of professional outlet -- and the other part of me wants to 'redeem' the time it took us to get to this place, and spend every possible moment with our little one as I can.

I just don't know. And I hate that I can't give my work a better estimate of my thoughts, so they could plan ahead properly (it would take a long training period to deal with my department - we special in 'complex' issues, and trust me - the name fits!), but I just can't say one way or the other.

My prayer for these next 24 weeks are that God would work on my heart & mind so much that by the time I have to make the decision, it will be an easy one for me... a no-brainer. And that, whichever way I decide to go, that He goes before me to prepare a way...

15 Weeks

I give myself one to two more weeks of a very few number of non-maternity clothing, and that's it... I'm seriously about to pop out of most of my pants/skirts/shorts these days. And not only does it not sound pretty, it doesn't look or feel pretty, either.

Another week has flown by me, and here we are at week 15 -- on the cusp of another few firsts: feeling baby J kick or move, and (hopefully) finding out the gender at our next dr. visit.

I'm anxious to start feeling the baby move... it will be a welcome and (I'm assuming?) reassuring sign to me that all is going well in there... I've said before that this pregnancy feels surreal, and despite my burgeoning belly, it still feels that way, most days... so a nice constant stream of movements and flutters wouldn't be a bad thing!

I'm also getting more and more excited to learn what we're having, so we can start getting more serious about our thoughts & ideas regarding the baby's room. Either way, I'd like to keep it somewhat gender-neutral in paint/furniture/crib bedding and such -- and then add gender-specific details in with the add-on decorations, curtains, etc. At least that's my idea in theory! That could all go out the window as soon as we know, or whenever I see something super-cute in a store.

Tomorrow morning is my next OB appointment. As far as I know, there's no u/s scheduled -- but that could change if the Dr has a repeat performance of a hard-to-find heartbeat for Baby J, like she did last time. If that's the case, then we have a shot of getting the gender results tomorrow! If not, it'll be a long 4 weeks of waiting 'til our next appointment to find out.

I know some people have a gut instinct or feeling as to what they're having... I have none. And we really don't have a preference, either. Growing up, I always thought it would be nice to have an older brother, so while I wouldn't mind that for any future baby girl of mine, I wouldn't be disappointed, either way. We're just excited to be having a baby, no matter what we have!

This friday DH and I are heading to Washington, D.C., to spend 5 days with my entire family, see the sites, and walk ALL over the town. No doubt we'll get plenty of exercise, with our current list of things to do/see while there. Anyone have any good ideas for anything to do off the beaten path, or for good restaurants we should hit while there? We'll have 8 adults and 4 kids, so it's gotta be kid-friendly, whatever it is!

If I learn anything at tomorrow's appointment, I'll keep you all posted...

Wiped

This weekend was fun--but good gracious, it was exhausting!

Friday we had a nice dinner with the in-laws, and had fun catching up with them. Despite the fact that my DH mis-informing his mom about my 'complete' maternity wardrobe (whaaat??? umm, NO), my MIL offered to take me shopping to get a few 'extra' things this week. I was quick to inform her that two pairs of maternity pants does NOT a complete wardrobe make--and she was actually excited to hear that. ...She's a shopper, like me. Woman after my own heart. :)

Later that evening, after we made it home from the in-law's, we were able to get in touch with our friend Taylor, who's currently living in Bolivia, teaching english at an international school in Santa Cruz. He's a friend from college, who actually lived with us one summer while between apartment leases, so we're quite close. He was the last close friend that did not yet know our news, so sharing that with him via Sky.pe was fun. Going to bed at midnight -- not so fun. But the conversation with our friend so far from home was well worth it.

Saturday morning had me rushing around, trying desperately to clean up our house before the girls from my book club arrived. We read a fantastic book, called A Shad.ow in the Wi.nd, set in Barcelona, Spain, back in the mid 1940's. It's part mystery, slight bit of romance, big part 'coming of age' book... and so, so good.

With the spanish-background to our book, we had decided to try our hand at a spanish-themed lunch (we typically meet over some sort of meal - brunch, lunch or dinner!). I tried my hand at paella AND got to use my dutch oven for the first time, and both met with resounding success, woohoo!

I'm not a huge seafood fan, so I stuck to one that included chicken, smoked sausage, and a good variety of vegetables -- it was wonderful. Definitely a keeper recipe -- good fine off of Tas.ty Kit.chen. Here's the link, if you're interested:


Hmm... not sure why this link isn't working for me. You can go to the site and look up "Paella Manantiales Calientes" though, if you'd like.

The only changes I made: used canned artichokes & tomatoes, traded in the lima beans (blech!) for frozen peas, and added in diced onion and bell pepper (would recommend yellow, orange or green, for the color). Two thumbs up to the chef-author!

After book club, a friend of mine stopped by the house to catch up for a bit --she's engaged, and I'm in her wedding on December 4th. She brought her dress over for me to see - soo soo pretty -- and tried on some jewelry I thought might work with it. Then we just talked -- her in-laws were in town all week long, so it was interesting hearing how that has been going for her. It's always an adjustment when you merge families and have to get used to the way other people live/do things... and having them around for a few days is easy-breezy compared to entertaining/hosting for over a week! Thankfully, she likes 'em.

Saturday night DH and I went downtown to see comedian Az.iz An.sari perform at the Tabernacle. It was a 10:30 pm show (I know -- what prego in her right mind would EVER sign up for a show starting at that hour??), so I wisely took a nap after dinner. ...Not that it helped much! I could have easily rolled back over and kept sleeping, but my hubby loves comedy, and considering it was my anniversary present to him--I sucked it up and made the effort to stay awake.

I must acknowledge a truth here: although I know 31 is not 'old,' per se, it is not entirely all that young anymore, either. And being up 'til 2 in the morning is just painful these days -- whether you're pregnant or not. We slept in Sunday morning, and it was still difficult to get out of bed at 10.

But get out of bed we did, so we could meet up with our small group and take a little field trip up to Ellijay, GA (the apple capital of GA), to pick apples, shot an 'apple cannon' (I'll give you 3 guesses who picked this activity!), and basically walk all over the orchard trying the various different apple varieties.

The only drawback to our lovely outing was the heat. It's still hot as blazes here in the south, with temps at least 10 degrees hotter than normal-- still in the 90's most days -- and it was definitely mid-90's on Sunday. So although we had a grand 'ole time sampling apples and walking all over creation, it was, to quote my husband "hot as balls"... which I'm sure justified the ridiculous consumption of cold apple cider, apple slushee, and shared apple fritter that was had afterwards...right?

Even though I'm not feeling so utterly tired and worn out these days, I'm not doing myself any favors by acting like I can hang w/ my husband and stay up as late as he does... I'm going to try to kick that bad habit this week, and hit the sack by 10 every night.

Oh, and our company just recently started a wellness walking challenge -- gave out pedometers to every employee and challenged them to walk as many steps as possible over the next teen weeks. First week: my average steps walked was close to 9,300, and my highest for the week was over 14,000. This week I'm going to try and raise my average to at least 10,000 --wish me luck!

Just Another "First"

I'm still not pleased about yesterday's out-ing on FB by my sister, but I'm trying to just 'let it go' and forget about it... My sister's always been overly sensitive to any sort of criticism (which is how she would take it if I raised the issue), and seeing as how we're getting along better lately than we have in years -- I'd rather swallow my pride, suck it up, and keep the peace rather than make an issue out of it... wish me luck.

--Now on to my maternity-shopping experience over Labor Day weekend!

My parents had generously offered to buy some maternity clothes for me, which I was stoked about -- I think the last time they bought me clothes, I was still in college (close to a decade ago)... so not an offer I could refuse!

DH and I decided to drive in to Nashville for the weekend, so we could combine the shopping experience with actually getting to see all my family -- my baby nephew, and my newly married brother & his wife -- which was so nice. And being from Atlanta, where the variety of stores and options are endless, I had naively thought that Nashville would have a similar variety, even if on a smaller scale. --Nope!

My dad, a pediatrician in our area, had asked some of the nurses at his clinic what they'd done for maternity wear, or what stores to check out. I though that was pretty sweet of him -- 'til he told me their recommendations.

I don't know if he heard from a good majority or just an opinionated few, but he came away with two thoughts: a) maternity clothes are a total rip-off, and way over-priced, and b)I don't really need maternity clothes -- they recommended I just buy normal clothes one size up, and that should get me through 'til the last month or two.

...Ummm, no. Thanks, but no thanks.

I, of course, had been doing a little on-line research at Gap(dot)com on my own, and had found Gap Maternity prices to be pretty comparable to Gap itself... so I pooh-poohed the thought that maternity clothes would be super-expensive.

That is, until we arrived at the ONLY store in the Nashville area (outside of Ko.hl's and Tar.get) - a P__ in the Pod. There, I was shocked to find tops priced at $65 or above ($50 on sale, whoop-tee-do), pants for a cool hundred, sweaters for $80 or $90... yowzas! Definitely much worse than I expected.

The fact that the pricing was going to justify my dad's preconceived notions made me nervous. Actually, the entire outing made me nervous.

Taking into consideration the fact that there were many moons when I wondered if I would ever have the need for such a thing -- I will readily admit that even the idea of going maternity shopping freaked me out. Then tack on the fact that I was just a little clueless about it all... should the clothes fit you, like normal clothes do -- 'cause that's what I'm used to buying -- clothes that fit! Should they be a little big -- and if so, how big? What's the 'normal' here people??

Granted, while I was actually out with said sis (who really should be an expert on this by now, 4 kids in), my cutie little 4 mo. old nephew Liam, and my mom --- they were actually not much help. At all.

My mom, whom I've mentioned before had a stroke at 41 and now has bouts of narcolepsy, was pretty much snoozing through the whole experience. My sister, while very alert and present, didn't give much in terms of direction or feedback... everytime I would ask her how something looked, or whether it fit right --if it looked like it was supposed to look -- she'd just give me a big fat smile and nod... Almost as if she were too busy thinking "it's so cute that she's finally pregnant and trying on maternity clothes! I'm so excited!" instead of actually focusing on the words coming out of my mouth... Not much help there.

So I would try on things, find a few that I liked or thought looked right on me, and then freak out over how much it cost. I tried waking my mom from her coma-like state a few times, asking if it wouldn't be easier/cheaper for me to just order a few things online-- but she just said that we were already there, "your father's okay with whatever, go ahead and get stuff now"... so, we did.

And spent waaaaay too much on too few items.

So. Morals of my story:
Yes, maternity clothing CAN be super-expensive.
It's helpful to go with people who will actually give you REAL and useful feedback.
Shop sales online -- you'll get more bang for your buck.

Oh, and never turn down a parent-funded shopportunity!

Real quick...

I have several posts floating around in my head that I need to just sit down and type out (if I can just force myself to do so after a long work day), but real quick, I just had to post this...

My sister just 'outed' me on FB... as in, posted "My sister is having her first baby in March! Yipeeee!"

Now, while I don't begrudge her the excitement of this land-mark occasion in my family -- she has, after all, been the only producer of grandbabies for my parents for a looong loong time... and they know we've struggled to get here.

However, I am a little peeved that she posted something like this before WE have even done so.

Am I completely off-base in being a little upset by that, or am I just being overly-sensitive about it all?

Anyways... it's out there now, not much I can do about it... (grrr)

Out

It's now been a week since I finally told my boss our big news... and by now, practically the entire company knows about Baby J.

The telling:

So last Friday, the day kicked off with a 3 hour meeting regarding the PFH (Project From Hell), consisting of me, my boss, and two project workers... As the meeting ended, and my boss and I were making our way back down to our offices on the 5th floor, I was internally panicking... I knew he would once again be swallowed up by a steady stream of meetings for the remainder of the day, so I knew this was my only shot.

With that thought in mind, as we approached his office, I casually brought up the project timeline, asking if our Executive Leadership Team had made any decisions yet whether or not to continue the project through December, our busiest month of the year. My boss went immediately defensive, saying that no such decisions had yet been made, everything was still up in the air, blah blah blah, but that we would certainly be able to "pull together as a team and survive it" if it came to that... At which point I interjected and said "I really hope it doesn't come to that, 'cause I'm not sure I could handle the activity of December, the project, AND being 6 months pregnant all at the same time."

He froze, his eyes got real big, and after a few seconds of shock, finally got out an "are you kidding me?" When I told him I would be 12 weeks as of that Saturday, he just smiled real big, told me how happy he was for me, and kept congratulating me over and over.

Then of course, he asked when I was due. ...Now, ya'll remember when I mentioned that another co-worker of mine, in our tee-tiny department of 7 people, is pregnant with her second and due March 5th?? ...and how nervous I was to tell my boss that I was due a mere 14 days AFTER her?? Yep, and for good reason. When I told him I was due March 19th, you could see the number-crunching going on in his head...all he said was "And M is due when again? March...?" "5th," I said, "...exactly 14 days before me."

"OH, crap," he said, as the realization dawned on him that we would both be going on maternity leave within weeks of each other... for a full 3 months.

Thankfully, he didn't say too much more about it after that... maybe he was restraining himself, to not make me feel too bad about the timing. --As if I had planned that!

----------------

Wednesday of last week - September 1st - my mom starts text-stalking me, wondering if she can publicize the news yet... she was apparently just dying to tell her choir friends about it that night. I had to beg and plead with her to give me a few more days, just so I could ensure my boss wouldn't find out about our pregnancy via FB...how awful would that have been?

---------------

Fast-forward to this week: at our weekly department meeting on Tuesday, I shared the news with everyone, at my boss's request... and again, everyone was pretty happy about it -- 'til they realized how close my and M's due dates are. That received a collective gasp from the group, combined with a "Might as well close down the department!" from one of the guys. ---Sweet of them, but I still think they'll survive.

On Wednesday, we had an in-house training with some of our local affiliates out in the field, for which I had to give a presentation on my area of our department. The Relationship Manager who was facilitating the two-day training interrupts me at one point, saying "...You have a certain glow about you today... is there anything you'd like to share with the group??" -- outing me to the entire room!


So essentially, everyone at my office now knows... my mom has been officially 'unleashed' and is free to share, and it's only a matter of time 'til something crops up on FB.

I'm a little wary of it being on FB.... I just know how painful that was to read when we were deep into treatments, and I don't know if I want to be the cause of anyone else's pain by posting it.

My DH doesn't share my sentiments -- he thinks that we still need to post something, whether it be just pictures or whatever. ...I don't know yet. I'm still torn. Maybe the pain of IF just feels too fresh still to do something that feels almost like a betrayal to my own IF community, whether anonymous or known.

It never really goes away, does it?

Next to share: maternity shopping, ay yi yi!

'Til then -- have a lovely weekend ladies~

Love this quote...

“Pain can either be the most useful or the most useless part of our lives. It all depends on how much we trust God in the pain.”

Rick Warren

More later!!

Still waiting for my opportunity

I am bound and determined that I WILL tell my boss the news... hopefully today. Only have an hour before he leaves, and he's (again!) stuck in another meeting.

But -- nevermind me. I wanted to share one of my favorite quotes with you.

"Beware in your prayers, above everything else, of limiting God.
Not only in your unbelief, but by fancying that you know what He can do.
Expect unexpected things, above all that we ask or think.

Each time, before you intercede, be quiet first, and worship God in His glory.
Think of what He can do, and how He delights to hear the prayers of His redeemed people.
Think of your place and privilege in Christ, and expect great things."

Andrew Murray


Love this. ...Hope it brings a tiny ray of reassurance and hope to your day...

Drat! My Plans Are Foiled Again!

You know that one-on-one meeting I had scheduled with my boss today? The one where I was going to tell him my big news, that DH and I are pregnant after 44 months of TTC?

Yeah, well... so much for all my big plans -- Bossman cancelled my meeting!

The nerve, I tell ya... giving me some lame-o excuse about being "swamped" with work... unbelievable.

............(sub-conscious clearing its' throat at my melodramatics)......

Okay,okay, FINE... so I felt sorry for him -- he did sound really stressed out, and had just come out of a 3.5 hr meeting this morning... poor guy.

But SHOOT, ya'll... it'd be another whole week 'til our next meeting. I'm not sure my belly can hide out that much longer.

Hmmm... guess I'll have to figure out Plan B.